Bridget McNulty

Bridget McNulty is a passionate writer fascinated by why people act the way they do. So fascinated, in fact, that she’s written a book about it.

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12 Responses to “Advice, please…”

1. Dagmar says:

   July 28, 2009 at 2:01 pm

   I had the same problem over and over again with a certain friend. The only way I solved it was to teach myself not to expect anything more. My dad would say people need to prove themselves first – i.e. don’t trust someone until they have proven themselves trustworthy. I generally don’t agree, but his advice has some value – expecting something from people when you don’t know what they are capable of giving is just setting yourself up for failure. i hope i made sense.
   good luck. it’s not easy being disappointed
   xx
2. Bridget says:

   July 28, 2009 at 2:20 pm

   I suppose… But then I feel like they’re getting off easy! I suppose I have quite high expectations of friendship. And it obviously doesn’t work to expect the same back from a friend… So maybe the key is to expect less from those who disappoint me? That makes sense. Learning from the past, hey?
3. smile says:

   July 28, 2009 at 2:20 pm

   remember the four agreements, or at least number two – don’t take anything personally.

   sometimes easy said than done
4. Dagmar says:

   July 28, 2009 at 2:24 pm

   Give of yourself less to those people, or at least give with no strings attached.
5. Beverley-Ann Fink says:

   July 29, 2009 at 6:09 am

   Hi
   I know exactally how you are feeling.I have learnt
   ( and its taken me 60 something years ) that in situations like this we are often also pleasantly surprised by those that we never expected to be supportive that are there 110% for us. JW always says that my problem is that I expect people to react the way I would and when they dont I am the only one upset as they sail of singing into the sunset !!! Also what is important to one is not even on the list for another. Hope this makes sense
   have a great day .Lots love the BA
6. Bridget says:

   July 29, 2009 at 8:33 am

   That’s true… I suppose the trick is to not expect what you’ve given from the person you gave it to – it might come from someone else… Thanks!
7. Bridget says:

   July 29, 2009 at 8:33 am

   Much easier said than done!!
8. Alice says:

   July 29, 2009 at 11:57 am

   i’ve come to realise that when i’m with a friend, i have to be there 100% in the moment and enjoy it for what it is and not to expect the same or more back, if it happens, great, if not, thats ok too. some people’s nature is such that they can’t be counted on (sometimes then can in certain situations and sometimes they can’t and sometimes they have stuff going on that i don’t know about and so discredit). the key is to try to accept that not everyone is the same in terms of response. and sometimes you have to address it, and just let someone know you feel overlooked or whatever, and leave it with them to ponder. a sort of “use it, don’t use it”. and move on, don’t dwell on your disappointment. and that’s more than my 2 cents worth on the matter
9. Candice says:

   July 30, 2009 at 11:43 am

   I know how you feel and over time I’ve learned that sometimes you have to ask. Some people aren’t that sensitive to what you need and so the only way to bridge that gap is to let them know that you need support – now.
   I know initially I always thought “Why must I ask, they never do and I just give” but I guess the bottom line is that some people can sense these things and some people can’t…
   Its a horrid lesson to learn my friend but once you know who needs a nudge and who doesn’t it gets a lot easier.
10. Bridget says:

    July 30, 2009 at 2:03 pm

    That makes sense… But I do feel they should just know! And then I think of the times that I’ve been so wrapped up in my stuff I haven’t known that my friends need support, and I get a leetle bit of perspective!
11. Jennifer Withers says:

    August 3, 2009 at 11:19 am

    Hi Bridget,

    Only saw your post now. Thought I’d scribble my thoughts quickly I’ve been through this experience a lot. This is what I’ve learned: people are good at certain things when it comes to friendship. Not all of my friends can give me everything I need & want at a certain given time. So I’ve learned what each of my friends are good at. Some of them are awesome to have around when you just need to go out, have a laugh, & forget everything else. Others are better with advice. Some of my friends are absolutely fantastic listeners – but they find themselves at a loose end when it comes to dispensing wisdom. A precious few are good at all of these things, but not all of the time. If you’re getting something that you need from every one of your friends, even if it’s not everything that you need, it may be enough. But only you can decide that. I recently cut out a friend in my life because I decided that despite her good points, they just didn’t outweigh her bad ones. Those decisions come down to you – what you can live with, & what you can’t. Hope this helps.
12. Bridget says:

    August 3, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    Huh. That makes sense to me – it’s like looking for different nutrients from different food groups! I do need to feel that they are there for me to the same degree that I’m there for them, though… Or at least that I can depend on them no matter what. And I think (in retrospect, now that I’ve calmed down) that that’s why I was so upset in this situation – I just didn’t feel that these friends even knew there was anything wrong. They were totally oblivious. Which is such a lonely feeling, isn’t it? So I’m doing some friend-pruning, but I’ll bear this idea in mind, thank you so much…