Bridget McNulty

Gratitude in a breath of air.

// August 17th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Decisions, Inspiration, Nature, Philosophy

Life is busy, isn’t it? And so much of the time (I realised recently) I’m so busy living it and discovering new things and figuring out how to live it better, that I don’t really take time out to appreciate where I am, right now.

We went away this past weekend, my man and I, with a group of friends, and at the end of the day on Saturday (after a delicious afternoon nap) I took a dog for a walk. This is actually quite big news: dogs and I don’t usually mix. Anyhoo, I took this very playful dog for a walk along these raised wooden walkways right next to the sea… The wind was howling, but it was a warm, friendly wind, and the waves were whipping up into froth, and there was nobody around as far as I could see. After I’d walked quite a distance I stopped and watched the sun set behind a mountain.

I only had a few minutes, because the dog was pulling to keep walking, but I had this sudden, very clear moment where I felt gratitude. For my life as it is right now: for feeling healthy almost all of the time, for having found a man I want to spend all my days with, for a job that challenges me and friends that support me and make me laugh. I suddenly felt this deep thankfulness for it all – as if I’d stepped out of the everyday run of things and could look in and see how lovely it all is.

And it’s stuck with me, this sense of lovely.

Have you had a moment like this lately? Have you given yourself a chance to?

Day 20: Yet another succulent

// July 21st, 2010 // 5 Comments » // 29 Gifts, Nature, Philosophy

I know, I know, another succulent… But this one was actually requested by a colleague because her desk looked lonely.

And then my mug cracked, and instead of being sad about (yet another) mug breaking before my very eyes, I decided it was happy timing and filled it with some dirt and a plant. Because sometimes when things you love break, you just have to accept that they’re broken and make the best out of a bad situation.

Yip, I’m trying to insert a little philosophy into today’s succulent post, did you notice?

Day 5: Spare change

// July 5th, 2010 // No Comments » // 29 Gifts, Decisions, Inspiration, Philosophy

As a South African, it’s very easy to become immune to people asking for help.

There are just so many askers – beggars, streetkids, bergies, people selling things you don’t want at the traffic lights, Big Issue salespeople. I’ve often thought that if I said yes to everyone who asked me for spare change in a day, I’d be broke by the end of that day. Which isn’t to say I don’t give at all – I generally go on gut feel and if I really think someone needs money I’ll give them when they ask.

But often, especially when I’m in a really lovely holiday town (thank you, Knysna), with a full belly and a happy heart, it’s easier just to pretend not to hear a plea for help.

Which is, let’s be honest, not cool.

So today this guy asked for money for bread, and I remembered I had to give a gift today, and actually listened to him.

A code of conduct.

// August 24th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Life (and the living of it), Philosophy

I realised something interesting (and a little embarrassing) about myself this weekend… I have a code of conduct. A way that I think people should behave. A set of social rules that I believe people should live by. Do you?

It came up because of the behaviour of a certain friend (remember when I asked for your advice about friends here?)
It’s one of the friends I’ve been slowly growing apart from, and it’s pretty closely linked to the post I wrote before, about how I always expect friends to be as present for me as I am for them. Now that I got that great advice from all of you, I feel a lot more comfortable about not letting it get to me as much. Which is why I could look at the situation from a distance and see the stark truth: I have a code of conduct, and the reason I’m so disappointed in this friend is because she’s not behaving the way I think she should be.

Isn’t that ridiculous?

Even more surprising for me is the fact that, although I think of myself as a very honest person, my code of conduct includes quite a few ‘put a smile on and be gracious’ clauses (is this because of my Catholic School Upbringing?) I think if you’re exiting a friendship, you should exit with grace. That you should be as polite as possible. This has definitely got me into hot water before – I remember distinctly becoming friends with a vegan guy in college (who quickly proved to be a lot weirder than I could have anticipated!) and promising that I’d bake him a vegan cake for his birthday. By the time his birthday rolled around we weren’t really friends any more, but I still baked him the cake, because I’d promised to! He was rather confused.

Still, I think it’s possible to do things in the nicest possible way, don’t you? Although that does conflict with a phrase I love from my practical philosophy class: Tell the truth pleasantly, not pleasant untruths.

What do you think? Make it nice and gracious, or be totally honest and risk hurting someone’s feelings?

10 things we learnt from the FIFA Confederations Cup 2009:

// June 29th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Inspiration, Life (and the living of it), Philosophy

I know, I know! Me, writing about sport? Impossible!
Except… The Confederations Cup was played in South Africa, which got me interested in it, and there were some big surprises, which got me even more interested, and then South Africa made it into the final four, which got me hooked!

Here, then, life lessons learnt from soccer:

1. Nothing is ever certain until the final whistle blows.

2. You might think you know where the game is headed, but that can all change in the 90th minute.

3. Underdogs can become finalists.

4. You can’t only defend; you can’t only attack.

5. South African fans are the most colourful, the most enthusiastic and, yes, the loudest.

6. No matter what country you’re from, when the camera focuses on you, you will jump up and down like a crazy thing.

7. Bafana Bafana know how to play soccer.

8. Our players might be small, but they’re tough. (Not like some other players, who fall over if you look at them funny.)

9. Soccer really is the beautiful game.

10. South Africa is ready for the World Cup in 2010. Not quite 100% ready, but it won’t be the disaster many predicted. It might just be one of the most exciting months of our lives.

(Want to read what other people have to say about this? Read the same post on ThoughtLeader – and check out the comments!)

Don’t sell your happiness…

// March 30th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Decisions, Life (and the living of it), Philosophy

… for a bag of chips.

We had the most wonderful Practical Philosophy class last week – the final in our 5 week Happiness course. There have been a number of gems in the class, and I’ll be writing about them in weeks to come, as I process them and start practising them in every day life… but one idea really stuck out for me.

We were listening to a speaker and he said to us, “If I offered you a hundred rand, or a thousand rand, or even ten thousand rand for your happiness, you’d laugh at me, wouldn’t you?” Think about it – your present and future happiness, for a lump sum? Not a good deal. “But look at the way you’re living your life,” he says. And then proceeds to explain how we sell our happiness every day, and for a lot less than a thousand rand. If our breakfast is cooked badly, if the garage door won’t open, if someone says something unkind to us, if the weather is bad, if there’s a drill going on in the background – we sell our happiness for all these things, every day.

It really got me thinking. Because there are times when I’ll get thrown off by the smallest thing without even thinking about it, and it’s only hours later that it will occur to me that this whole mood started from something tiny and insignificant. I’ve caught myself literally selling my happiness for a bag of chips (they don’t make me feel well, yet every so often my will power crumbles and I eat them. And then I feel bad about it. So bloody stupid! But human, I suppose).

Yes, yes, that’s all very well, I hear you say, but what can we do about it? Let go. Let go of all the little things that bug you, and don’t pick them up again. It is faar easier said than done, but it’s possible. On a day to day, moment to moment, irritation to irritation level. What do you think?

Don’t sell your happiness. There’s no price tag that could be worth it.

Mmm… crisps.

So what’s your model?

// January 23rd, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Inspiration, Life (and the living of it), Philosophy

My man and I started practical philosophy again this week (at the marvelous School of Practical Philosophy in Cape Town – www.philosophyschool.co.za)  and it’s so great to be back! Our class is pretty much the same as last year, so we had a lot of laughs together… yes, it’s possible to have philosophical laughs!

We’re doing a course called ‘Models of the Mind’, which sounds quite complicated, but actually isn’t.

In fact, there was only really one thought that stuck with me and is demanding some attention. You ready for it? Apparently each of us operates from a certain ‘model’ in our minds. We each have a specific way of seeing the world. That makes sense, right? Some people think the world is a harsh place, others think resources are limited and you have to fight for them, others think everything always goes their way.

What’s so fascinating, though, is that whatever model you hold (and often we hold models unconsciously), it will colour what you actually see. Whatever you believe changes not only the way you see things, but the things you actually see. How? Well, your experiences feed into the model and strengthen it, but at the same time they create the experience. Two people looking at the same incident will interpret it completely differently.

Continue this thought further and it means that the glasses you look at the world through create, to a large extent, the experiences you are looking at.

What do you think? Possible? Probable?

So what was 2008 all about for you?

// December 17th, 2008 // 2 Comments » // Decisions, Diabetes, Laughter, Life (and the living of it), Philosophy

For me, it’s been about living the life of my dreams.

My first year as a freelance writer, and overall I’d say it’s been a big success. I’m living in an amazing flat with the man I love. I’m doing work I enjoy, and being well-paid for it. My novel is being published in the USA next year. I’ve written a rough draft of a new novel.

And I’ve been searching for, and in many ways attaining, balance.
Between work and play.
Socialising and alone time.
Work for me and work for money.
Exercise and rest.
Food and insulin!

Health was obviously one of my top priorities this year, and now that my first full year as a diabetic is coming to an end, I have to say it’s gone pretty damn well. I feel vital and alive, and full of energy (most of the time). And although having an immunological disorder (sounds hectic, hey?) means that I get sick more often than I used to, overall I think it’s been a glowingly healthy year.

Personally, too, it’s been a great year, and I attribute a lot of that to the practical philosophy courses I’ve taken, and the wisdom they’ve imparted (check under the Philosophy tags to read all about it!) I feel far more centered and balanced than in previous years – like I have tools to help me deal with life in a much calmer way.

Most of all, though, this has been a playful year – full of laughter and fun and dancing and good times…

How has your year been?

Being honest.

// December 10th, 2008 // 3 Comments » // Decisions, Life (and the living of it), Love, Philosophy

How good are you at it? Being honest.

Now don’t give the answer you think I want to hear. Be straight with me… Fantastic? So-so? Quite bad?

I’ve always thought of myself as an honest person. I don’t bandy words, I’m not deceitful, I don’t willfully mislead people. That said, I also don’t like that brand of brutal honesty that leaves no space for kindness and leaves people offended and hurt in your wake.

One of our pieces of philosophy homework for this week is to ‘love to speak the truth’. Sounds lovely, doesn’t it? But I needed to chew over it a bit, to see how it actually works. Because there’s speaking the truth, and then there’s speaking the whole-truth-and-nothing-but-the-truth. Being brutal.

My teacher gave me one line that made it all a lot easier to digest. Are you ready for it?
Speak the truth pleasantly, not pleasant untruths.

Which, as far as I’m concerned, makes the whole bang-shoot a lot easier to do. What do you think?

Growing into a better person.

// November 25th, 2008 // 4 Comments » // Inspiration, Life (and the living of it), Philosophy

That’s one of my goals at the moment. I’ve just finished reading this extraordinary book (with the absolute worst title in the world…. Are you ready for it? How to Make One Hell of a Profit and Still Get to Heaven. Eeuch.) It’s by John Demartini, who’s a motivational speaker (but don’t hold that against him!) He’s also a financial mastermind, and this book is all about how to stop blocking yourself from making enormous amounts of money, and how to save in a clever way so that your money starts accumulating and making you into a money magnet, so that you start attracting large amounts of money.

It’s brain-expanding stuff, let me tell you! He makes you look at all the ways you might be holding yourself back from making money – by thinking it’s not spiritual to be rich, or by putting a subconscious limit on the amount of money you can make, or by getting too emotional about making and spending money. What’s interesting to me, though, is how deeply he delves into the psychology of money. There are a whole lot of exercises throughout the book, and they make a lot of sense to me. Things like carrying around the amount of money you’d like to make in a day, so that you get used to having cash on you (you don’t spend it, you just carry it with you and feel wealthy). And starting a savings account by direct debit each month so that you don’t have to think about whether or not you can afford to save. Fascinating stuff.

And through it all there’s this thread that he keeps weaving in and out… that making a lot of money means being able to live your best life, and to live your best life you need to grow into your best self – a better person than you already are. It’s challenging, because it means not getting emotional about other people’s actions, recognising that there are two sides to everything that happens, and, most of all, not limiting yourself in the way of dreams and goals and desires…

I’ll be speaking about all this a lot more, but it’s an interesting point to dwell on, I think, this growing into a better person. Especially seeing as the year is drawing to a close. Are you a better person at the end of 2008 than you were at the beginning?