Bridget McNulty

A code of conduct.

// August 24th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Life (and the living of it), Philosophy

I realised something interesting (and a little embarrassing) about myself this weekend… I have a code of conduct. A way that I think people should behave. A set of social rules that I believe people should live by. Do you?

It came up because of the behaviour of a certain friend (remember when I asked for your advice about friends here?)
It’s one of the friends I’ve been slowly growing apart from, and it’s pretty closely linked to the post I wrote before, about how I always expect friends to be as present for me as I am for them. Now that I got that great advice from all of you, I feel a lot more comfortable about not letting it get to me as much. Which is why I could look at the situation from a distance and see the stark truth: I have a code of conduct, and the reason I’m so disappointed in this friend is because she’s not behaving the way I think she should be.

Isn’t that ridiculous?

Even more surprising for me is the fact that, although I think of myself as a very honest person, my code of conduct includes quite a few ‘put a smile on and be gracious’ clauses (is this because of my Catholic School Upbringing?) I think if you’re exiting a friendship, you should exit with grace. That you should be as polite as possible. This has definitely got me into hot water before – I remember distinctly becoming friends with a vegan guy in college (who quickly proved to be a lot weirder than I could have anticipated!) and promising that I’d bake him a vegan cake for his birthday. By the time his birthday rolled around we weren’t really friends any more, but I still baked him the cake, because I’d promised to! He was rather confused.

Still, I think it’s possible to do things in the nicest possible way, don’t you? Although that does conflict with a phrase I love from my practical philosophy class: Tell the truth pleasantly, not pleasant untruths.

What do you think? Make it nice and gracious, or be totally honest and risk hurting someone’s feelings?

10 things we learnt from the FIFA Confederations Cup 2009:

// June 29th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Inspiration, Life (and the living of it), Philosophy

I know, I know! Me, writing about sport? Impossible!
Except… The Confederations Cup was played in South Africa, which got me interested in it, and there were some big surprises, which got me even more interested, and then South Africa made it into the final four, which got me hooked!

Here, then, life lessons learnt from soccer:

1. Nothing is ever certain until the final whistle blows.

2. You might think you know where the game is headed, but that can all change in the 90th minute.

3. Underdogs can become finalists.

4. You can’t only defend; you can’t only attack.

5. South African fans are the most colourful, the most enthusiastic and, yes, the loudest.

6. No matter what country you’re from, when the camera focuses on you, you will jump up and down like a crazy thing.

7. Bafana Bafana know how to play soccer.

8. Our players might be small, but they’re tough. (Not like some other players, who fall over if you look at them funny.)

9. Soccer really is the beautiful game.

10. South Africa is ready for the World Cup in 2010. Not quite 100% ready, but it won’t be the disaster many predicted. It might just be one of the most exciting months of our lives.

(Want to read what other people have to say about this? Read the same post on ThoughtLeader – and check out the comments!)

Don’t sell your happiness…

// March 30th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Decisions, Life (and the living of it), Philosophy

… for a bag of chips.

We had the most wonderful Practical Philosophy class last week – the final in our 5 week Happiness course. There have been a number of gems in the class, and I’ll be writing about them in weeks to come, as I process them and start practising them in every day life… but one idea really stuck out for me.

We were listening to a speaker and he said to us, “If I offered you a hundred rand, or a thousand rand, or even ten thousand rand for your happiness, you’d laugh at me, wouldn’t you?” Think about it – your present and future happiness, for a lump sum? Not a good deal. “But look at the way you’re living your life,” he says. And then proceeds to explain how we sell our happiness every day, and for a lot less than a thousand rand. If our breakfast is cooked badly, if the garage door won’t open, if someone says something unkind to us, if the weather is bad, if there’s a drill going on in the background – we sell our happiness for all these things, every day.

It really got me thinking. Because there are times when I’ll get thrown off by the smallest thing without even thinking about it, and it’s only hours later that it will occur to me that this whole mood started from something tiny and insignificant. I’ve caught myself literally selling my happiness for a bag of chips (they don’t make me feel well, yet every so often my will power crumbles and I eat them. And then I feel bad about it. So bloody stupid! But human, I suppose).

Yes, yes, that’s all very well, I hear you say, but what can we do about it? Let go. Let go of all the little things that bug you, and don’t pick them up again. It is faar easier said than done, but it’s possible. On a day to day, moment to moment, irritation to irritation level. What do you think?

Don’t sell your happiness. There’s no price tag that could be worth it.

Mmm… crisps.

So what’s your model?

// January 23rd, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Inspiration, Life (and the living of it), Philosophy

My man and I started practical philosophy again this week (at the marvelous School of Practical Philosophy in Cape Town – www.philosophyschool.co.za)  and it’s so great to be back! Our class is pretty much the same as last year, so we had a lot of laughs together… yes, it’s possible to have philosophical laughs!

We’re doing a course called ‘Models of the Mind’, which sounds quite complicated, but actually isn’t.

In fact, there was only really one thought that stuck with me and is demanding some attention. You ready for it? Apparently each of us operates from a certain ‘model’ in our minds. We each have a specific way of seeing the world. That makes sense, right? Some people think the world is a harsh place, others think resources are limited and you have to fight for them, others think everything always goes their way.

What’s so fascinating, though, is that whatever model you hold (and often we hold models unconsciously), it will colour what you actually see. Whatever you believe changes not only the way you see things, but the things you actually see. How? Well, your experiences feed into the model and strengthen it, but at the same time they create the experience. Two people looking at the same incident will interpret it completely differently.

Continue this thought further and it means that the glasses you look at the world through create, to a large extent, the experiences you are looking at.

What do you think? Possible? Probable?

So what was 2008 all about for you?

// December 17th, 2008 // 2 Comments » // Decisions, Diabetes, Laughter, Life (and the living of it), Philosophy

For me, it’s been about living the life of my dreams.

My first year as a freelance writer, and overall I’d say it’s been a big success. I’m living in an amazing flat with the man I love. I’m doing work I enjoy, and being well-paid for it. My novel is being published in the USA next year. I’ve written a rough draft of a new novel.

And I’ve been searching for, and in many ways attaining, balance.
Between work and play.
Socialising and alone time.
Work for me and work for money.
Exercise and rest.
Food and insulin!

Health was obviously one of my top priorities this year, and now that my first full year as a diabetic is coming to an end, I have to say it’s gone pretty damn well. I feel vital and alive, and full of energy (most of the time). And although having an immunological disorder (sounds hectic, hey?) means that I get sick more often than I used to, overall I think it’s been a glowingly healthy year.

Personally, too, it’s been a great year, and I attribute a lot of that to the practical philosophy courses I’ve taken, and the wisdom they’ve imparted (check under the Philosophy tags to read all about it!) I feel far more centered and balanced than in previous years – like I have tools to help me deal with life in a much calmer way.

Most of all, though, this has been a playful year – full of laughter and fun and dancing and good times…

How has your year been?

Being honest.

// December 10th, 2008 // 3 Comments » // Decisions, Life (and the living of it), Love, Philosophy

How good are you at it? Being honest.

Now don’t give the answer you think I want to hear. Be straight with me… Fantastic? So-so? Quite bad?

I’ve always thought of myself as an honest person. I don’t bandy words, I’m not deceitful, I don’t willfully mislead people. That said, I also don’t like that brand of brutal honesty that leaves no space for kindness and leaves people offended and hurt in your wake.

One of our pieces of philosophy homework for this week is to ‘love to speak the truth’. Sounds lovely, doesn’t it? But I needed to chew over it a bit, to see how it actually works. Because there’s speaking the truth, and then there’s speaking the whole-truth-and-nothing-but-the-truth. Being brutal.

My teacher gave me one line that made it all a lot easier to digest. Are you ready for it?
Speak the truth pleasantly, not pleasant untruths.

Which, as far as I’m concerned, makes the whole bang-shoot a lot easier to do. What do you think?

Growing into a better person.

// November 25th, 2008 // 4 Comments » // Inspiration, Life (and the living of it), Philosophy

That’s one of my goals at the moment. I’ve just finished reading this extraordinary book (with the absolute worst title in the world…. Are you ready for it? How to Make One Hell of a Profit and Still Get to Heaven. Eeuch.) It’s by John Demartini, who’s a motivational speaker (but don’t hold that against him!) He’s also a financial mastermind, and this book is all about how to stop blocking yourself from making enormous amounts of money, and how to save in a clever way so that your money starts accumulating and making you into a money magnet, so that you start attracting large amounts of money.

It’s brain-expanding stuff, let me tell you! He makes you look at all the ways you might be holding yourself back from making money – by thinking it’s not spiritual to be rich, or by putting a subconscious limit on the amount of money you can make, or by getting too emotional about making and spending money. What’s interesting to me, though, is how deeply he delves into the psychology of money. There are a whole lot of exercises throughout the book, and they make a lot of sense to me. Things like carrying around the amount of money you’d like to make in a day, so that you get used to having cash on you (you don’t spend it, you just carry it with you and feel wealthy). And starting a savings account by direct debit each month so that you don’t have to think about whether or not you can afford to save. Fascinating stuff.

And through it all there’s this thread that he keeps weaving in and out… that making a lot of money means being able to live your best life, and to live your best life you need to grow into your best self – a better person than you already are. It’s challenging, because it means not getting emotional about other people’s actions, recognising that there are two sides to everything that happens, and, most of all, not limiting yourself in the way of dreams and goals and desires…

I’ll be speaking about all this a lot more, but it’s an interesting point to dwell on, I think, this growing into a better person. Especially seeing as the year is drawing to a close. Are you a better person at the end of 2008 than you were at the beginning?

Are you ready for a challenge?

// November 20th, 2008 // No Comments » // Decisions, Life (and the living of it), Love, Philosophy

This idea has been thrown at me from three different sources in the last week or so, so I know it’s something I have to come to grips with (I’m not completely blind to the ways of the Universe!)

That said, I wouldn’t mind getting some input on it. Are you ready for a challenge?

Apparently, anything that irritates you in another person is a part of yourself that you’re either denying, or that you’re exhibiting in another area of your life. The people who frustrate and annoy you the most are the mirrors that show you what it is you’re not dealing with in your life.

Now, if you’re like me, this theory will immediately irritate you! But I must admit, once I started thinking about it, it started to make sense… Start with something easy – some mild irritation. Someone who is lazy or selfish or who you don’t think is fulfilling their potential, say. Now, can you see that trait in yourself in any area of your life? It could be in your romantic life, your friendships, your family, your work, your spiritual or your mental life – anywhere in any way. It’s a pretty powerful exercise, especially when it’s someone who you have to interact with every day. Seeing the humanity in someone who you think is a bit of a demon opens the doorway to loving and forgiving them, which translates into a whole heap less stress in your interactions with that person…

Sometimes, though, especially when it’s a deep-seated dislike or irritation, I think it can come from a part of ourselves that we suppress. I was chatting to a friend about this the other day, and she said she gets so annoyed with her colleague at work because he never listens to anyone else’s opinions – he just bulldozes any conversation until it goes his way. The reason this bothered her so much was because her mom used to do the same thing, and so my friend had suppressed her desire to be pig-headed (even a little bit, which can be quite useful at times, especially in business). She’d gone to the other extreme. Recognising that her reaction to this colleague was because of an unresolved reaction to her mom allowed her to neutralise it and let it go… Now she still thinks the colleague is an idiot, but she doesn’t get that gut emotional reaction to it.

Interesting stuff, hey? Why not give it a try? I’m going to….

In the living of life:

// November 19th, 2008 // 3 Comments » // Cape Town, Inspiration, Life (and the living of it), Philosophy

I often get caught up in reporting on it. As something cool / exciting / lovely is happening, I’ll think, “Ooh! Must write about this! Must tell so and so! Mustn’t forget this!”

But I’m beginning to think that’s a somewhat foolish approach. Because as soon as you take yourself out of whatever is happening, you take yourself out of it. It loses some of its flavour. One of the most difficult challenges my practical philosophy class ever set was to ‘just’ do something. When you’re driving, just drive. When you’re eating, just eat. When you’re reading, just read. This is bordering on impossible for me! When I’m driving, I’m singing. When I’m eating, I’m planning. When I’m reading, I’m humming. And all along I’m thinking, thinking, thinking.

So the past few weeks I’ve been trying to correct the balance (and becoming a bad blogger in the process, I apologise!) It’s an extraordinarily eventful time for me, all of a sudden. I was sick, then my man was sick, then my parents came for a lovely lovely weekend visit, then I found out about the US book (which I’m still over the moon about!). Now I have work to do and an impending trip to Namibia (for work! Before the end of the year!) and we’re going cherry picking and lawn bowling and 80s partying this weekend, and next weekend I’ve got the Cosmo Awesome Women event in Joburg and then a 90th birthday in Knysna (5 hours from Cape Town). The day I arrive back I’m probably off to Namibia for a week, and when I return my best friend is coming to stay with me. Then my man and I are going back to Knysna for a wedding, and when we get back my brother and his girlfriend arrive to stay with us. And then we’re driving back to Durban (a mini road trip which will take  couple of days) for Christmas with the whole family.

So, as you can see, if I didn’t stay centered and in the moment, my head might be flying off its hinges!

And the one thing I keep returning to is that I want to enjoy this time of year. It’s frantic and full of people and probably lacking in the alone time I like so much, but it’s so exciting! And I want to be fresh and rested and firmly in the present moment so I can enjoy it. I don’t want to be stressed.

Don’t you want to join me? Join me in this experiment to see if you can ‘just’ do whatever you’re doing right now?

Another sip of inspiration:

// November 13th, 2008 // No Comments » // Inspiration, Life (and the living of it), Love, Philosophy

“Sometimes one needs to turn everything upside down to make sense of it. What if feeling the wind on your face, hugging your child, laughing with a friend, taking the family out on a picnic, helping someone in need, watching the sunset, carrying out the garbage, going for walks, having friends over for dinner… what if this is what it’s all about? What if this is what’s really important? It’s something to stop and consider as we race through our daily lives.

Let us also see the beauty that exists in one another’s hearts. Too often we forget this. It is good to remind ourselves that there is much goodness in the world, in the human heart. You will not see it on TV. You will not read about it in a newspaper. But it is there for all to see… We do in fact live in a world where people constantly help one another.

You don’t believe that? You do not see it? Put down your newspaper. Turn off your TV. Come take a walk in your own neighbourhood. Open your eyes. Feel people’s hearts. There is beauty here. Goodness, generosity, love, concern, fellowship everywhere…”

Wise words from an anonymous author! If only we could all carry such love into our lives…