Bridget McNulty

The gentle art of acceptance.

// July 23rd, 2009 // 6 Comments » // Decisions, Life (and the living of it), Time, travelling

I’ve been waiting a lot, lately. Waiting to hear back from sponsors about our journey, waiting to hear about a trip to Durban and Joburg for publicity stuff before we leave, waiting to plan the last six weeks of normal life.

I’m not very good at waiting.

In fact, I’m pretty terrible at it. My impatient nature combined with my control-freak tendencies means I’m always wanting to sink my teeth into things, without waiting for other people to do their part. This is not a very good part of my character, I can accept that. And I’m working on it.

But I am also learning to accept other things. In fact, I’m working on the gentle art of acceptance.

We found out this morning that one of the major sponsors we were hoping would come on board doesn’t have the necessary budget to help us out. A lot of this journey towards the journey has been knocking on doors and understanding that some open and some remain stubbornly shut… But I must admit I was really disappointed when this one didn’t fly open. There’s still a chance that they’ll be able to help us out on a smaller level (sponsoring our air tickets and an iPhone so we can record our daily video snippets), but it looks like we’ll now be choosing Plan B.

Plan B is still extremely exciting, just in a different way. Instead of 16 countries for 2 to 3 weeks each, we’ll do 9 countries for a month each – and stick to South-East Asia and South America (the countries where our savings will last us longer!) We’ll be roughing it more, but more open to adventure and new experiences (as there won’t be any time constraints). We’ll get to fully experience two beautiful parts of the world. And if a major sponsor decides to climb on board while we’re away, we can always add in some of the other countries we’re going to be missing. Or that can be Journey 2. Or Journey 3. The plan is to keep doing this as long as we can!

The overriding feeling I have from this, though, is that it’s time for me to walk the talk. I keep saying that life always gives you exactly what you need, and that in retrospect everything always turns out for the best, and sometimes we just can’t see what is best for us from our limited present outlook. Now it’s time to trust in that, to trust in the flow of life. I need to learn to stop micro-managing everything, to trust that if you have the best intentions (and I really do, this cause is something I deeply believe in) that life will give you just what you need.
Only sometimes what that is will look a little different to what you expected it to be.

I’m excited about this journey! Literally and figuratively. I’m excited to challenge myself, to discover new things about life, and love, to explore this crazy world of ours. I’m excited for whatever lies ahead, down the river, around the bend, whatever it is I can’t quite see from here…

PS – Should anyone have any contacts with airlines or big companies who like diabetics or iPhone people, please don’t hesitate to get in touch!

My (fun) disaster:

// June 18th, 2009 // No Comments » // Life (and the living of it), Strange Nervous Laughter, book launch, travelling

The plan seemed simple enough:
While in New York City, organise a relaxed, informal reading somewhere pretty (i.e. in Central Park) and bake cupcakes to give to people so they have a little something to snack on while I read. Then invite all my friends and contacts in New York (check out the lovely invitation here), and get them to invite all their friends and contacts.

What could possibly go wrong?

Well, global warming. In a word (or two).
You see, NYC is not usually wet or rainy in June – it’s summer, it should be deliciously sunny. But the weather has been a little crazy of late, and the craziness did not work in my favour… The forecasts said scattered thundershowers would hit at 6pm. They hit at 2.30pm. My reading was at 3pm.

We’d already baked delicious cupcakes, by this stage (chocolate with vanilla icing and mini M&Ms… yummy!)

And we’d figured out how to transport them across town on the subway (by buying a couple of doughnut boxes from the doughnut store across the road)…

When we exited the subway, it was breezy and warm, and we thought we’d missed the morning rain and were going to miss the evening storms. But when we arrived at Central Park…

The heavens opened. It poured. Bucketed. Deluged us with rain. So that anyone in their right mind, looking out the window in the hour before the reading and deciding whether to come to an outdoor event in the park, would have decided against it (I was already there, so I couldn’t change my mind!)

Still, I had a couple of extremely loyal friends who decided to brave the weather, most notably my Number One Fan, Jess (in her handmade t-shirt)…

Once we realised that the rain was not going to let up any time soon, we traipsed off through the park handing out free cupcakes. It was so much fun! I started off on the baseball field, and people came flocking towards me when they heard the magical word ‘cupcake’ (combined with the equally magical word ‘free’)… and then we walked through the park and I approached people and asked if they wanted a cupcake. They were either totally delighted, or looked a little scared. It was very amusing!

We ended up in a Starbucks (because it was warm, cosy, and quintessentially American)…

Where I gave a short reading, after all…

It was, to all intents and purposes, a complete disaster. But it was a really fun disaster! As I led my merry band of wet friends through the park, handing out cupcakes, I was loving it! It was great fun.

Now, this could have been because I’d had an amazing hour-long interview on Cosmo Radio the day before, and I felt as if I’d already done my bit for book marketing; or because it was the end of a really wonderful three week friend tour all over the East Coast of the USA; or even because I have recently realised that I don’t like organising publicity stuff for myself any more (give me online stuff to do and I’m happy, organise something for me to do and I’m even happier, but don’t put me in charge please!)

It might even be that I am slowly, ever so slowly, learning to let go and see where life takes me. That I am finally learning to be a bit more easy-going and not trying to control everything. Whatever the reason, I had myself an extremely fun disaster of A Reading in Central Park.

The Zen of packing:

// May 22nd, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Decisions, Time, travelling

I studied in the States, so I’ve done this whole long-voyage-across-the-seas about six times… And every single time I would pack at the last minute, totally stressed and strung-out, and go to bed either with things strewn about my room, or with a suitcase so full there was no hope it was ever going to close.

This time, however, I’m packing in style.

Mainly because I have what is without a doubt THE most beautiful suitcase I’ve ever seen. Seriously, I was never excited about a suitcase before I saw this one… Take a look:

It’s a chocolate brown Samsonite. With all kinds of cool little bags to put things in. I think I’m in love! It has four wheels (instead of two) so it slides along so smoothly (I was dancing with it yesterday!), it’s virtually indestructible (I’ll be testing that out!) and it is just so lovely to look at… Really.

Still, I had a mound of things to pack into it. Gifts for seven people I’m staying with, book gifts of Strange Nervous Laughter, and 3 weeks worth of clothing… Not to mention the diabetes supplies, toiletries, accessories and mini juices! (in case my blood sugar goes low). I’m not kidding when I say there was a mound of stuff to pack:

And all into one little (lovely) suitcase!
Never fear… I had a secret weapon. They’re called Vac Bags and I’d never heard of them till yesterday, but they totally saved my life. Basically, they squeeze all the air out of your clothing, so that it ends up taking up the minimum amount of space possible. Genius!

So all of that, turned into:

This! Hardly anything.

Which meant that instead of sitting on my suitcase, sweating, trying to fit everything in and feeling my heart rate shoot through the roof, I could simply place my bags of clothes into my suitcase, and calmly go about my business. Best of all, this means I’m not going to have to repack my suitcase every time I need to get something out (my naturally messy nature usually means that if I try to get one dress out of a suitcase, the whole suitcase ends up on the floor). Nope, now I shall be calm and tidy, and simply undo the bag I need, while leaving the rest tidy. Fabulous!

Now, you might be wondering why I care so much about how easy or difficult packing a suitcase is, but it feels like it’s indicative of the whole trip. I used to get really stressed and dramatic about leaving home for the States (I was too young, it was fraught with emotion) and this is the first time I’m going happily and excitedly. I’m older, hopefully wiser, and a lot more calm and centered, and being able to pack with such ease bodes extremely well for three weeks of happiness in the USA!

I’ll still be blogging as much as possible, although not every day, so check back often to see how the trip is going!

You have to wait for the fish to come to you.

// May 19th, 2009 // No Comments » // Cape Town, Inspiration, Time

I went for a walk on the Sea Point Promenade with a friend this morning – a glorious, sunshiney, blue skied walk, and we were filling each other in on all the news from the last month or so.

I said to him that we’ve sent out all these proposals for funding for our Round the World trip (read more about it here) and that now we’re just waiting to hear back from people… not really my forte, waiting and patience and all that.

And he said, “Well, obviously you have to wait – you have to wait for the fish to come to you. You throw out your net, and then you wait for the fish to swim into it. It’s no good jumping in the water and trying to catch the fish with your hands, you’ll just get tangled in the net. If you’re fishing in the right spot, you just throw it in and wait.”

Huh. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

What helps you go downstream?

// April 1st, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Decisions, Inspiration, Life (and the living of it)

I’ve been considering, lately, this idea of going upstream versus downstream.

It’s not a new idea, but I recently watched an amazing DVD by the very inspiring Esther Hicks which gave it a new angle… From her perspective, going downstream isn’t being passive and letting life take you wherever it wants (which I don’t like), but consciously moving in the direction of what feels right and intuitively good (which I do like).

Sometimes, of course, we have to do things we don’t want to do, but there’s a way of doing it upstream (whining, complaining, dragging your feet) and a way of doing it downstream (accepting that it needs to be done and trying to see the up-side hidden in it). Easier said than done, it’s true! Complaining can be such fun. But everything we want is downstream, and if we can just stop paddling in the opposite direction to what it is we want, we’ll feel a lot more relief, a lot more joy, and a lot less angst. Or, in her words, “As long as you’re turned in opposition to what you want, you’re not going to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be.”

This doesn’t mean that if you stop harping on about what you don’t like or what frustrates you, you’ll instantly turn in the opposite direction, of course. It’s not a quick-fix angst-to-joy solution. But it is a route to feeling better, and the key is to be on the lookout for that moment of relief, when you can feel your ‘boat’ turning from battling upstream to flowing downstream.

Practically, what does this mean? Well, take yesterday, for example. Our internet was bust and I had a whole day of online book marketing work to do (i.e. work that required the internet!) My man was grumpy because he had too much work to do. And our toilet wouldn’t stop leaking. Never mind the insistent drill in the background. I could feel myself getting steadily more and more agitated, and starting to tell myself stories in my head (you know, the “Why does it all happen at the same time? It never rains but it pours!” story. It’s a popular one!)
And then I thought, wait! I’m going upstream! I have to find a way to go downstream. So I did a 15 minute guided meditation (that my best friend gave me and that I absolutely love). Then I lay in my hammock and listened to one of my favourite Sigur Ros tracks, a perfect blend of soothing and inspiring. And then I put on some loud sing-along songs (Belle and Sebastian works like a charm) and danced around the flat for a few minutes.

And what do you know? New perspective! No problem.

So I’m curious… When you find yourself going upstream (feeling irritated / angry / frustrated / anxious) what helps you go downstream?

What can you do?

// March 10th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Cape Town, Durban, Life (and the living of it)

Sometimes things just don’t work out in your favour… like my mom and me skydiving.

We were booked to go on Thursday morning, but when we woke up it was cloudy and raining and we had to reschedule… The next few days were similar weather, so we booked again for Monday lunchtime. Monday dawned bright and clear in Durban, but not in Pietermaritzburg, 45 minutes away, where the skydiving was.

We waited in hopeful anticipation all afternoon, but alas! No break in the weather. And this morning I flew back to Cape Town. How disappointing!

The thing is, sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want them to. And you can whine and complain and bash fists against foreheads (if that’s your vibe) but it won’t change anything. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to happen now – for any number of reasons.

Acceptance is sometimes a bitter pill to swallow, no?

So Durban was lovely, as always, although much of it was spent in hospital with my dad, poor guy, who had a horrible back operation and is slowly recovering… I really do have the most extraordinary family, you only really notice when things are difficult, hey?

And now I’m back in Cape Town, with my lovely man. I think I need some kind time for myself, and I know I need to put my head down and get some work done! I’ll be back blogging soon, though, never fear…

Inspiration injection –

// January 25th, 2009 // No Comments » // Inspiration

Another one from Esther and Jerry Hicks, at www.abraham-hicks.com. I love this:

“How do you ever get the truth to be more the way you want it to be? You’ve just got to start beating the drums of truth the way you want it to be—and when you do, you will immediately feel good. And there are those who might say, “Oh, you’re not facing the fact.” And we say, we would never face any fact that was taking us to a place we don’t want to be.

There are those who believe that the world is getting more and more desperate. We are here to tell you that the world is getting better and better, and better, and that every experience you have causes you to launch rockets of desires, and Source comes in response to those rockets. And the best thing about your birth and death is that the resistant ones die and the allowing ones are born. And with this combination of contrast that keeps you launching new and new desires, it’s no wonder that the Universe is expanding in this marvelous way and that life is getting better, in every day—and in this moment—for everyone who insists on focusing there.”

Sacred Sloth.

// January 19th, 2009 // No Comments » // Life (and the living of it), Time

I’ve come up with a new concept that I think could be quite powerful (and that just so happens to be rather delicious!)
I call it Sacred Sloth.

What is it? Well, every so often (I’d say every second week, but I’m still experimenting with the finer details), you give yourself a day off for Sacred Sloth. What that means is that you have full permission to sleep late, stay in bed reading till noon, wear your pyjamas all day if you like, lie in your hammock or on your couch, read voraciously, draw, eat delicious food, watch inspiring TV (none of that brain-rotting stuff!) and generally do whatever it is you feel like, in slow motion.

I had one of these days yesterday, and I have to say it’s a real tonic. It feels like I went on a mini-holiday. I highly recommend it. And because it’s only one day, there’s no need to feel guilty about wasting time. In fact, it’s the opposite of a waste of time, because a day of Sacred Sloth counteracts the effects of stress, and ensures you don’t burn out from working too hard.

Give it a go! You deserve it.

In the living of life:

// November 19th, 2008 // 3 Comments » // Cape Town, Inspiration, Life (and the living of it), Philosophy

I often get caught up in reporting on it. As something cool / exciting / lovely is happening, I’ll think, “Ooh! Must write about this! Must tell so and so! Mustn’t forget this!”

But I’m beginning to think that’s a somewhat foolish approach. Because as soon as you take yourself out of whatever is happening, you take yourself out of it. It loses some of its flavour. One of the most difficult challenges my practical philosophy class ever set was to ‘just’ do something. When you’re driving, just drive. When you’re eating, just eat. When you’re reading, just read. This is bordering on impossible for me! When I’m driving, I’m singing. When I’m eating, I’m planning. When I’m reading, I’m humming. And all along I’m thinking, thinking, thinking.

So the past few weeks I’ve been trying to correct the balance (and becoming a bad blogger in the process, I apologise!) It’s an extraordinarily eventful time for me, all of a sudden. I was sick, then my man was sick, then my parents came for a lovely lovely weekend visit, then I found out about the US book (which I’m still over the moon about!). Now I have work to do and an impending trip to Namibia (for work! Before the end of the year!) and we’re going cherry picking and lawn bowling and 80s partying this weekend, and next weekend I’ve got the Cosmo Awesome Women event in Joburg and then a 90th birthday in Knysna (5 hours from Cape Town). The day I arrive back I’m probably off to Namibia for a week, and when I return my best friend is coming to stay with me. Then my man and I are going back to Knysna for a wedding, and when we get back my brother and his girlfriend arrive to stay with us. And then we’re driving back to Durban (a mini road trip which will take  couple of days) for Christmas with the whole family.

So, as you can see, if I didn’t stay centered and in the moment, my head might be flying off its hinges!

And the one thing I keep returning to is that I want to enjoy this time of year. It’s frantic and full of people and probably lacking in the alone time I like so much, but it’s so exciting! And I want to be fresh and rested and firmly in the present moment so I can enjoy it. I don’t want to be stressed.

Don’t you want to join me? Join me in this experiment to see if you can ‘just’ do whatever you’re doing right now?

The middle way…

// August 13th, 2008 // No Comments » // Decisions, Publishing, Writing

I’m not angry any more (thank goodness!)
I don’t do so well with anger – it kind of gets into my blood and makes me feel fizzy and agitated.
But I still feel wronged, and I realised that it’s an unusual feeling for me. I don’t think people take advantage of me much… I feel lucky to be able to say this!

It’s interesting, though, because as I was deciding what to do about this situation (an online literary journal publishing my work without my consent, for those of you out of the loop) my immediate response was – just let it go! When things make me feel bad, I naturally want them out of my life. It always seems to me to be an either/or argument. Either you’re furious and ranting and can’t concentrate OR you let it go and don’t do anything about it.

But I think there has to be a middle way. I used to rile against the notion of the middle way, because I thought it meant being mediocre and not getting much done. Now I’ve realised that the middle way represents balance, and I am all about balance.

So what’s the balanced thing to do here? Take action, without negative emotion. Remove the emotional charge and just make sure that the situation is resolved. Is this obvious to everyone else? Is it just me who doesn’t see how much sense this makes, and has spent the last couple of decades either/or-ing?

So I’m going to get in touch with the publisher of the magazine and ask them to resolve the situation, and if they don’t I’m going to publish a warning against them for other writers to read. I just hate the thought that there are editors and publishers out there who are just grabbing people’s writing without any thought or respect directed to the writers. It takes all the joy out of it, you know?

I’ll keep you posted….
Incidentally, the way I reached this middle way conclusion was by asking myself, “What would a wise woman do?” so I’m being a good philosophy student in the process!