Bridget McNulty

Gratitude in a breath of air.

// August 17th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Decisions, Inspiration, Nature, Philosophy

Life is busy, isn’t it? And so much of the time (I realised recently) I’m so busy living it and discovering new things and figuring out how to live it better, that I don’t really take time out to appreciate where I am, right now.

We went away this past weekend, my man and I, with a group of friends, and at the end of the day on Saturday (after a delicious afternoon nap) I took a dog for a walk. This is actually quite big news: dogs and I don’t usually mix. Anyhoo, I took this very playful dog for a walk along these raised wooden walkways right next to the sea… The wind was howling, but it was a warm, friendly wind, and the waves were whipping up into froth, and there was nobody around as far as I could see. After I’d walked quite a distance I stopped and watched the sun set behind a mountain.

I only had a few minutes, because the dog was pulling to keep walking, but I had this sudden, very clear moment where I felt gratitude. For my life as it is right now: for feeling healthy almost all of the time, for having found a man I want to spend all my days with, for a job that challenges me and friends that support me and make me laugh. I suddenly felt this deep thankfulness for it all – as if I’d stepped out of the everyday run of things and could look in and see how lovely it all is.

And it’s stuck with me, this sense of lovely.

Have you had a moment like this lately? Have you given yourself a chance to?

Day 9: Pair of apples

// July 10th, 2010 // No Comments » // 29 Gifts, Cape Town, Decisions, food

I’ve been thinking, lately, about what I really want from this whole 29 days experiment… I don’t want to just spend a lot of money on last-minute prezzies or approach it in a half-assed way (and let me tell you, there’s a temptation to do that what with life being so busy all the time).

Ideally, what I want is to teach myself a new way of being in the world – always aware of other people and what they might need, open to the possibility that I could help someone in some small way. I want to train myself into a new habit, you know? Hence the apples.

I eat a lot of fruit, but I have a bad habit of buying large quantities all at one time (I feel panicky if I don’t have fresh fruit at all times) and then occasionally not being able to get through it fast enough. And then I’ll just sit and stare at it. The smart thing to do would be to recognise I’ve overbought, and share it with someone who might need some fresh fruit – one of the many people who lives on the street in Cape Town, for example. So that’s what I did yesterday: recognising that if I left the apples they would go off before I could eat them, I took them while they were still fresh and gave them away.

A small thing, yes. But if I could remember to do this all the time wouldn’t it be a good habit to get into?

Memory Lane Monday:

// May 31st, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Blogs, Inspiration, Memory Lane

Celebration and sadness:

// May 28th, 2010 // 4 Comments » // Life (and the living of it), Love

So here it is: the reason I’ve been such a slack blogger of late.

Two reasons actually, one lovely and one sad.

First the lovely (because all the pictures relate to it).
Last weekend my man and I had our engagement party. It was wonderful! Such a celebration. We had a garden party at our dear friends’ house, and served all kinds of cake, and mojitos. The sun shone, loads of our friends came (some from Durban!) and my whole family was there (half of them imported from Durban for the weekend). Three dear friends stayed with us over the long weekend, and we ate pizza and picknicked in the forest and laughed. A lot.
The night after the engagement party, the three girls came home, changed into our pyjamas, rented a stupid-funny movie and ate take-out. Fun fun fun.

It was a really wonder-full weekend.

The sadness comes in because at the beginning of the week we found out that the girlfriend of one of my man’s best friends committed suicide. Only now they can’t find a cause of death, so it’s possible it might have been a really severe asthma attack. So so sad. She was only 22, but she was bipolar and had had a really hard year. Still, to have life snatched away (or given away) at such a young age just makes my heart ache. As much for the people who are left behind as for the poor girl herself (I didn’t know her that well, I know him really well). And there’s just nothing you can say, you know? No way to make it better. It’s really just a matter of letting time heal.

So it was an unusual week: so full of happiness and so full of sadness. It’s taken me some time to process all of it.
What I’m left with, though, is this feeling of gratitude for so many things in my life. When I first found out that she had killed herself, I thought, “What about ice cream?” What about sunsets and cups of tea on the verandah and long walks in nature and really funny TV and going to the movies and fresh avo on toast and bear hugs and waking up next to the one you love and long silences and laughing till you cry and the quiet of early morning?

But of course, if you’re severely depressed you’re not thinking of these things. I get that.
But it has made me reassess how much I love in my life. What do you love?

The tiny things

// May 17th, 2010 // No Comments » // Cape Town, Inspiration, Life (and the living of it)

I’ve realised that it’s the tiny things in life that make my day.

Driving to work this morning, the clouds looked like they’d been splashed across the sky with luminescent pearly paint. The outline of a cathedral against the brightest blue of the sky looked like something out of a painting. And when I pulled in to work, I saw the tiniest scrap of a rainbow lurking among the clouds. (Can you see it? A little pixellated, but it’s there!)

Lovely!

I had a very, very lazy weekend and that, too, made me so happy. Lying in bed reading with my man, lingering over a cup of tea on the verandah and looking at the mountain, feasting on a lazy lunch with my siblings… I’ve come to realise that, for me, it’s all these tiny little moments that make up a happy life.

Don’t you think?

The Zen of packing:

// May 22nd, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Decisions, Time, travelling

I studied in the States, so I’ve done this whole long-voyage-across-the-seas about six times… And every single time I would pack at the last minute, totally stressed and strung-out, and go to bed either with things strewn about my room, or with a suitcase so full there was no hope it was ever going to close.

This time, however, I’m packing in style.

Mainly because I have what is without a doubt THE most beautiful suitcase I’ve ever seen. Seriously, I was never excited about a suitcase before I saw this one… Take a look:

It’s a chocolate brown Samsonite. With all kinds of cool little bags to put things in. I think I’m in love! It has four wheels (instead of two) so it slides along so smoothly (I was dancing with it yesterday!), it’s virtually indestructible (I’ll be testing that out!) and it is just so lovely to look at… Really.

Still, I had a mound of things to pack into it. Gifts for seven people I’m staying with, book gifts of Strange Nervous Laughter, and 3 weeks worth of clothing… Not to mention the diabetes supplies, toiletries, accessories and mini juices! (in case my blood sugar goes low). I’m not kidding when I say there was a mound of stuff to pack:

And all into one little (lovely) suitcase!
Never fear… I had a secret weapon. They’re called Vac Bags and I’d never heard of them till yesterday, but they totally saved my life. Basically, they squeeze all the air out of your clothing, so that it ends up taking up the minimum amount of space possible. Genius!

So all of that, turned into:

This! Hardly anything.

Which meant that instead of sitting on my suitcase, sweating, trying to fit everything in and feeling my heart rate shoot through the roof, I could simply place my bags of clothes into my suitcase, and calmly go about my business. Best of all, this means I’m not going to have to repack my suitcase every time I need to get something out (my naturally messy nature usually means that if I try to get one dress out of a suitcase, the whole suitcase ends up on the floor). Nope, now I shall be calm and tidy, and simply undo the bag I need, while leaving the rest tidy. Fabulous!

Now, you might be wondering why I care so much about how easy or difficult packing a suitcase is, but it feels like it’s indicative of the whole trip. I used to get really stressed and dramatic about leaving home for the States (I was too young, it was fraught with emotion) and this is the first time I’m going happily and excitedly. I’m older, hopefully wiser, and a lot more calm and centered, and being able to pack with such ease bodes extremely well for three weeks of happiness in the USA!

I’ll still be blogging as much as possible, although not every day, so check back often to see how the trip is going!

A weekend of sloth.

// May 18th, 2009 // No Comments » // Life (and the living of it), Time

After the extreme busy-ness of last week, with the blog tour and all the advance planning for my US trip, I was really ready for a relaxing weekend this weekend…. And hoo boy did I get it!

My man and I met friends for drinks on Friday night, and then came home and watched Seinfeld (oh how I love Seinfeld!)

On Saturday morning we woke up to pouring rain… and so decided not to get out of bed. We stayed in bed till 1pm, reading, sleeping, chatting, eating breakfast and drinking tea. And then we got up for a book launch (of Aenigmata, check it out here) and a great opening night for the Labia Celebration Exchange (their website is here). Sunday morning was chilly again (although not raining), so we decided to stay in bed all morning again! It was heavenly. It’s amazing how much your body can sleep if you just let it. We spent the rest of the day baking a cake, going for a walk and watching movies on TV.

And when I woke up this morning I felt fantastic! So full of energy, clean and clear and inspired and ready to start the week. Just lovely! How often does that happen? Usually weekends are so full of having fun that by the time Monday rolls around my head is full. But today, thanks to a whole weekend of sloth, I feel rested, relaxed and revitalised (rrrreally!)

When was the last time you gave yourself the gift of a weekend of sloth?

The art of the everyday.

// January 12th, 2009 // No Comments » // Decisions, Inspiration, Life (and the living of it)

So I’m back! After the most wonder-full, relaxing, nourishing and delicious holiday. How was yours?

I have so much to write about – spending the holidays with my entire family, travelling all over the country with my man, the incredible book I’m reading at the moment, the many realisations that hit me over the last three weeks… But perhaps, seeing as today is my (and many other people’s) first day back at work, I should write about something a little more pertinent: The art of the everyday.

Because it’s easy to be calm and spiritual and happy when you’re on holiday, isn’t it? You can sleep as much as you like, you can read for hours (if you so wish, which I always do!), you can pretty much do what you want. I have to say, this has been one of my most peace-full holidays ever. I’ve been focusing a lot on staying present, on being here while I do this, and then moving on to the next thing and being fully present for that too. Amazingly, it’s actually much easier than trying to do ten things at once, while having imaginary future conversations in your head that relate to the eleventh thing. My head feels clearer, I have more energy and I feel, essentially, lighter in spirit.

As I said, easy to do when you’re on holiday.

But when I approached my computer this morning – full of 3 weeks of unreplied-to-emails, requests from people, things to think about, and work to do – my mind started up its chatter all over again. All of a sudden the urge to open five tabs at once and flip between them while the pages load became irresistible. I started thinking in fast forward again. The imaginary conversations with people I have to call later came flooding back in.

And what do you know, I immediately started feeling tired. Drained, sore eyes, tired, despite it only being mid-morning. Isn’t it amazing how our bodies communicate with us?

So I stopped. I sat on my verandah for a while watching a couple of butterflies flitting in and out of the flowers. I did some yoga stretches. I remembered to breathe. And slowly the noise in my head quieted down and my energy returned.

So what am I on about? Finding the balance in every day, the moments that make our days sing for us, the art of the everyday. Because life is like our own special work of art, and what kind of artists would we be if we only knew how to paint on weekends and holidays?

So what was 2008 all about for you?

// December 17th, 2008 // 2 Comments » // Decisions, Diabetes, Laughter, Life (and the living of it), Philosophy

For me, it’s been about living the life of my dreams.

My first year as a freelance writer, and overall I’d say it’s been a big success. I’m living in an amazing flat with the man I love. I’m doing work I enjoy, and being well-paid for it. My novel is being published in the USA next year. I’ve written a rough draft of a new novel.

And I’ve been searching for, and in many ways attaining, balance.
Between work and play.
Socialising and alone time.
Work for me and work for money.
Exercise and rest.
Food and insulin!

Health was obviously one of my top priorities this year, and now that my first full year as a diabetic is coming to an end, I have to say it’s gone pretty damn well. I feel vital and alive, and full of energy (most of the time). And although having an immunological disorder (sounds hectic, hey?) means that I get sick more often than I used to, overall I think it’s been a glowingly healthy year.

Personally, too, it’s been a great year, and I attribute a lot of that to the practical philosophy courses I’ve taken, and the wisdom they’ve imparted (check under the Philosophy tags to read all about it!) I feel far more centered and balanced than in previous years – like I have tools to help me deal with life in a much calmer way.

Most of all, though, this has been a playful year – full of laughter and fun and dancing and good times…

How has your year been?

Input / Output

// September 9th, 2008 // 1 Comment » // Inspiration, Life (and the living of it), Time

I speak about this a lot in ‘real life’ (i.e. verbally) but I think it’s such an important pattern to recognise, so maybe it’s time to speak about it in blog life…

I really do believe that we go through periods of input, and periods of output. During the input periods we’re quieter, we read more, watch lots of movies and TV, listen to people deeper and generally absorb all there is to be absorbed in our lives. During the output periods we talk more, offer advice, create (in whatever way works for us – cooking, art, writing, dancing, drawing) and have enough energy to give it away, in abundance.

The problem comes, I think, when we don’t recognise the difference between the two. When we become givers (outputters) 24/7 and don’t ever stop to recharge, to input, to fill up again. And then we become resentful because other people aren’t giving us what we need, when really we have to give it to ourselves.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, because I see it happening so much, not only in my own life, but in the lives of my friends. Of course, it can go the other way, too – getting stuck in an input phase and unable to get up and DO anything because the inputting becomes addictive.

It’s that good old balance thing again, isn’t it? I’m beginning to think that much of life might be about finding that mystical balance…