Bridget McNulty

A little diabetic rant:

// August 24th, 2010 // 7 Comments » // Diabetes

Most of the time I count myself as one of the happiest diabetics on earth.

But every so often, I get a day like today. A day when it all seems unfair and hard and infuriating, and I just want to throw in the towel and drink milkshakes and eat my body weight in chocolate. Do you know I’ve only had one milkshake in the nearly-three years since I was diagnosed?

But that’s not why I need to rant.

I need to rant because yesterday I went for an HbA1c, a blood test that measures your average blood glucose over the past three months. And even though, in these last three months, I have started doing aerobic exercise once or twice a week, even though I’ve switched insulin to one I feel is better suited to me, even though I have a new diabetic doctor who has taught me a new way of testing that I really thought was working better, even though (this most of all) I have very strictly not been eating any sugar at all during the week, my HbA1c is higher than it’s ever been.

Not by that much, and still (only just) in the recommended range, but it still makes me sad and angry and frustrated and disheartened.

One of the nurses said it takes the body 3 months to adjust to new insulin (I started mine 6 weeks ago), which makes me feel ever-so-slightly better. But only ever-so-slightly.

My mission with diabetes has been to live as normal a life as possible. I wonder now if I’m trying to be too normal…

Mostly I’m feeling extremely sorry for myself and belligerent about this stupid condition that doesn’t make any sense.

I’ll be better tomorrow.

What a beautiful thing health is.

// May 30th, 2010 // 3 Comments » // Decisions, Inspiration

I never had a real understanding of how wonderful it is to be healthy until I found myself in ICU with diabetes. And while I haven’t thought about it a lot lately, a combination of two things in the last couple of days brought the beauty of being healthy to light.

The first is that I had a doctor’s appointment with an endocrinologist, i.e. a diabetes specialist. What a relief! I didn’t realise quite how alone I had felt in my condition until I had someone to talk to who not only understood my concerns (unexplained highs or lows, leaking pens, hormonal fluctuations of blood sugar readings) but could do something about it. I’m testing in a new way now, and then we’re going to look at my insulin regime and see if it’s working as hard as it should be. I generally don’t feel that diabetic (I feel remarkably well most days), but having a doctor test for heart / kidney / lung / circulation / eye problems etc etc etc, made me realise just how lucky I am to be so healthy.

The other is that two of my brothers ran the Comrades Marathon today. For those non-South-Africans, the Comrades is the longest road marathon in the world (I think – I stand to be corrected). It is a staggering 89km, between Durban and Pietermaritzburg, a trip that takes almost an hour by car.

While I can imagine nothing worse (literally, nothing worse) to do with a day of my life, it is an extraordinary feat of endurance and strength, and I am so proud of my brothers for finishing. Their bodies are somewhat broken, they’re totally depleted, but they’ve achieved something that only a few people ever do.

Reflecting on how totally exhausted they are has made me extra-grateful for how well I feel today, though.
So here it is, a totally physically healthy gratitude list:
I’m so happy I am strong and pain-free and full of energy and vitality. I’m so happy all my limbs work and my organs are doing what they need to without me telling them (except for my pancreas, but I’m happy my body listens to insulin even if it’s stopped hearing my pancreas!) I’m so happy I don’t have any illness in my body, and that I wake up every morning feeling strong and alive and ready to face a new day. I’m so happy I’m not in hospital. I’ve been there, it’s not fun. I’m so happy my mind is clear and my heart is at peace.

When’s the last time you got happy for feeling fine?

Photo: Pink Sherbet

Life’s little reminders

// April 28th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Decisions, Diabetes, Inspiration, Life (and the living of it)

Isn’t it funny how life throws the same situation at you time and time again until you finally get it?
I was desperately sick on Sunday. A nasty, vicious, vile, rotten (are you getting the picture here?) stomach bug that had me calling for my man to end my pain and kill me, because I was sure I’d never feel normal again.

Okay, so I tend to be a drama queen when I’m sick, but I did feel really awful. Exhausted and weak and sick to the tips of my toes. I had a shower and had to have a lie-down. Finally swallowed a piece of toast at 2pm, and had to nap for 2 hours to get over the exertion.

But what it made me realize – when I woke up on Monday morning feeling 100% and full of energy – was how much I take my energy and good health for granted. And what makes this more poignant is that when I was diagnosed with diabetes in 2007, and had to spend weeks recovering and slowly, gradually, getting my energy back, I swore never to take good health for granted again.

It’s a good reminder, I think. How are you feeling today? Are you grateful for the energy that lets you jog up a flight of stairs or run to answer the phone? I am. I really, really am.

Photo: Jake Putnam

Bleeurgh.

// March 18th, 2010 // No Comments » // Diabetes

Here’s the thing about diabetes – if it’s not in your top 3 priorities, it acts out until you give it your full attention again.
Today, diabetes wasn’t in my top priorities.
I have a cold, so getting over that was top of my list.
I have a chunk of work to do, and
I have a list of admin To Do’s as long as my arm.

Diabetes? Ah, it’ll take care of itself.
Ummm… No.
Especially not when my head was so full of things I had to do that I forgot to take my insulin after my (big) lunch and now, two hours later, I’m craaazy high. And I feel dreadful.
So stupid!
Really.

So now it’s time to realign my priorities. Catch a diabetic wake-up. Start taking insulin before meals again. Stop thinking in a whirlwind.
I’ll keep you posted on my progress!

How diabetes changed my life:

// June 22nd, 2009 // No Comments » // Diabetes, Inspiration, Life (and the living of it), Writing, travelling

That’s the theme of the story I wrote for Real Simple magazine in July last year. It was called ‘Sugar Rush’ and it was about how being diagnosed with diabetes made me reassess my definition of success, and start living the life of my dreams.

And… It just won the South African leg of the Novo Nordisk 2009 Diabetes Media Prize! Which is a huge honour. And makes me very happy because it means it’s going through to the international leg of the competition, and so am I! They’re flying me to Vienna in September for a 4 days diabetes conference. Fantastic!

I’m going to try and copy the article below (let’s see how web-savvy I really am – turns out, not that web savvy! You can click on it and download it, but not too sure how to make it a PDF in the blog post). I just read it for the first time in almost a year, and I have to say I’m rather pleased with it. I managed to capture the mood of how I feel about this subject, and I think that’s all any writer can ask for…

Sugar Rush

Looking back is a funny thing.

// April 9th, 2009 // No Comments » // Life (and the living of it), Strange Nervous Laughter

We’re mere hours away from a 4 day Easter weekend here, and Lordy Lord am I ready for it!

My man and I are heading off to a little cottage up the West Coast tomorrow, for a glorious 2 nights and 3 days, and I can’t wait! We’re not going to do anything but read, eat, go for long walks and relax… Just exactly what I need. Check it out: www.fairfieldsguestfarm.co.za

What’s interesting about this impending weekend, though, is that we’re going back to a place we went just over a year and a half ago, at the beginning of September 2007. I had been working nonstop doing marketing stuff for Strange Nervous Laughter’s impending release, and we decided to take some time out without computers or deadlines or to-do lists and spend a few days of quality time with each other.

Now, a year and a half later, I’ve been working nonstop doing marketing stuff for Strange Nervous Laughter’s impending US release, and we’ve decided to take some time out without computers or deadlines or to-do lists and spend a few days of quality time with each other.

There are a few, giant differences, of course. I’m diabetic now, I wasn’t then. I’m a freelancer, I worked full-time then. My man is a freelancer, he worked full-time then. We’re about to go on a round-the-world trip. I’m about to go to America for my US book launch. And I feel, in many ways, older and wiser. But at the same time, I still think I have a lot to learn from my younger self. Take a read of that day’s blog post and let me know what you think…

And until we meet again, I’m taking a big deep breath in, and out, and relaxing into the Easter weekend…

Our home for the weekend!

Let me rephrase that…

// April 7th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Diabetes, Life (and the living of it)

Can we make it Supergirl With Diabetes?

The only problem with starting a new exciting exercise regime is that my blood sugar doesn’t necessarily agree with it. And by that I mean my blood sugar doesn’t like it at all. One little bit.

That’s always been another reason for the mild-exercise-excuse of walking: I know exactly how it affects my diabetes. It doesn’t wake me up at 2am with low blood sugar, and again at 7am, and leave me feeling like I’m walking around with a heavy, aching head simultaneously filled with cotton wool and nails. Yup. That’s what it feels like now.

There are few things I really hate about diabetes. I don’t mind the injections, or the testing, I don’t even mind the dietary restrictions, most of the time, because I’m able to eat a healthier diet, and it keeps me on track. But there is one thing that I hate, hate hate hate hate hate, and that is waking up low.

You’ll be fast asleep, snoring away happily, when suddenly you wake up, totally alert but completely disorientated, with your heart pounding and a funny lightheaded feeling. You drag yourself through to somewhere with light, prick your finger, test your blood and see that it’s low. And then you have to make a decision – generally at 2am in the morning, when you’re still mostly asleep but feeling rotten – about what to eat. And then this intense sugar craving kicks in, so that even when you drink sweet fruit juice you don’t quite feel satisfied. And then, once you’ve had your rationed amount of sugar, you drag yourself back to bed and lie down, heart still pounding, alternately going hot and cold, until your heart finally slows, your blood sugar rises, and you can go to sleep again.

Only to wake up feeling unrefreshed and like a car ran over your head during the night.

Logically, I know, it’s pretty remarkable that my body can wake me up when my blood sugar goes too low, and I’m very grateful for that. But I am not grateful for the feeling I have today, of being useless, and tired, and over-emotional, and 100% diabetic.

And that’s my diabetes rant for the next few months, I promise!

UPDATE: It’s the next day, now, and I’ve woken up feeling fantastic – full of energy, clear head and all-round well. Interesting, too, that after some in-depth research it looks like it wasn’t the exercise to blame for the night-time lows at all! We had a three day heat wave from hell here in Cape Town last week, and I was out and about a lot. Insulin isn’t supposed to get hotter than 30 degrees Celsius, but it was definitely over 35 for a couple of days there… So the too-hot insulin’s potency is reduced, resulting in less effective control from low blood sugar. FASCINATING!

Who said diabetes wasn’t an interesting condition?

Do you exercise?

// April 6th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Cape Town, Decisions, Life (and the living of it)

I do, but don’t tell my body!
I’ve always had a rather unusual relationship to exercise… If I can pretend I’m not doing it, I’m happy. This has led me to trampolining (fun, but a little repetitive on a mini-trampoline), swimming (lovely, but haven’t found the Cape Town equivalent to the Westville Pool in Durban, which I loved), yoga (fabulous, but always a mission to drag myself to classes) and, finally, walking.

The beauty of walking is that I don’t need to get dressed up in special gear or drive myself to a classroom to do it. I don’t need to schedule in walking time, or prepare my day around my walk. I can simply finish work for the day, lace up a pair of walking shoes, plug in my iPod, and I’m off. Plus, it offers fresh air (beat that, gym!), people-watching, and a chance to clear my head after a busy day of being all in the mind. All in all, walking is my ideal exercise. Especially seeing as we have a beautiful reservoir just up the road, complete with ducks, mountain views and lots of trees. *sigh!*

Except, it came to my attention a few weeks ago (courtesy of my man, who is on a mission to get strong) that walking might fulfil the cardio part of Necessary Exercising, but it’s not doing much for strength. So although I’m walking fit, I’m not anything else fit.

Enter the biokineticist. What’s that? I hear you ask. Well! A biokineticist is an extremely smart person who can look at you and tell you exactly how you’ve damaged your body thus far, and how to make it better. That sounds pretty dramatic, but it isn’t really (unless you’ve done some pretty dramatic damage, that is). You do a series of exercises and stretches, and the biokineticist works out where your muscles are strong, and where they’re weak, where you could do with lengthening or straightening or balancing, and what you can do about it. Then you get given a list of stretches and exercises to do at home (4 times a week) and you’re released to turn into Supergirl.

At least, that’s how I look at it.

I have 2 weeks till I go back to my biokineticist, and until then I am going like a boeing. It’s surprisingly fun to strengthen muscles you didn’t know you had, and surprisingly satisfying to ache in unexplained places. And I love the feeling of getting strong. It’s quite addictive, actually.

Best of all? I don’t have to go to gym. I can do all the exercises on my yoga mat in my flat. The whole thing – from early-morning warm-up walk (while the world wakes up around me) to sweaty, need-a-shower conclusion, takes an hour. And it’s a whole hour of being out of my head. Fantastic!

If you’re in Cape Town and you want to find out more about biokinetics, email Sarah Hall (she’s so great). If you’re elsewhere in South Africa, you can look at the Biokinetics Association website. For those out of SA who want to take up the Supergirl challenge, I’d suggest a Google search!

How full are your days?

// February 10th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Blogs, Inspiration, Life (and the living of it), Time

As most of you know by now, I used to be a crammed-full-days kind of girl. I wanted every day to be full to overflowing, or I felt it was wasted. I rushed a lot, I didn’t pause much, and I made sure I was doing as much as I possibly could.

Then, after I got sick with diabetes, I went the other extreme. I realised the importance of chilling, of taking an afternoon off to lie in my hammock and read, of slowing down, of sometimes just resting in stillness.

I love it!

But I worry, sometimes, that it’s giving me a foolproof excuse to be lazy. Take a look at Color Me Katie (www.colormekatie.blogspot.com), my new favourite blog, and see how much she crammed into her weekend – it’s incredible! Me, I like to have long stretches of ‘nothing to report’ time. But what if I’m slowly, without even noticing it, turning into a bit of a slobbo? That won’t do!

Then again, I think of how much travelling I’m set to do this year, and I realise I should just take a few deep breaths, sit back and relax. Chill time is pretty precious, after all.

Immune booster, please!

// January 26th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Decisions, Diabetes, Life (and the living of it)

I have to be honest, the last week hasn’t been my best health-wise.

I wasn’t full of energy like I usually am, and the last half of the week was dogged with a persistent mild headache and achey eyes. What from? I think I was fighting off a virus – it was a general tired malaise, with the headache thrown in for good measure.

It’s the one thing about diabetes that really bugs me (apart from the four injections every day!) – my weakened immune system. Diabetes (type 1) is an immunological disorder, which means that my immune system isn’t as strong as it used to be. And it used to be so strong! I could bounce back from anything within a day or two. Now I still bounce back, but it takes me a couple of days. I feel fantastic today, but it’s the first time since… Thursday? Too long!

So I’ve decided to Take Action. I’m going to strengthen my immune system. Want to join me?
Here’s the advice I’ve found, feel free to throw in any other tips you might have!

* Eat a varied diet with lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, whole grains and a multivitamin to fill in the gaps. (I’m doing this, especially the fruit, although maybe not the variety of veggies I should…)

* Sleep the right amount of hours every night. (I’m definitely doing this, I’m a great sleeper).

* Exercise often, don’t eat excessive sugar, wash hands regularly (?!) and don’t overdo alcohol. (Yes, yes, yes and yes).

But then I found some more specific advice:

* Drink your lemons. Apparently drinking freshly squeezed lemon juice in water or tea helps to keep your body’s pH balance stable. Sounds good!

* Drink enough water. Easy to forget to do during a busy day!

* Cut down on caffeine. Ouch. Jury’s still out on whether tea is as bad as coffee, but if it is I’m in trouble. I am totally addicted to tea. And not at all sure how to cut down, because I hate herbal teas!

So those are my three challenges for the moment – drink more water, with more lemon juice, and cut down on tea… Maybe I’ll just cut down on the size of my teacups… From a bucket to a small mug.

Have you got any other tips for me?