Bridget McNulty

In the mood for a holiday?

// March 3rd, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Durban, Life (and the living of it)

I certainly am!
So I’m going on one… but not to some exotic island. Nope, I’m off to Durban, to visit family and friends (but mainly family) and spend some QT with them. My dad had an operation last week, and my brother and sister-in-law and amazingly cute niece are heading back to the Netherlands next week, so it’s time I spent some family time at home.

No complaints here!

Oh, and my mom and I are going SKYDIVING on Thursday, did I mention that? Eeeeek!!!

(not Durban!)

I am the anti-brood.

// January 27th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Inspiration

As most of my friends and family (and definitely my man!) are aware, I am the opposite of broody.

I can’t imagine ever being unselfish enough to look after something 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, for at least 18 years. And then never really be able to let go of the thing.

Yes, I just called babies things. I love my niece to bits and pieces, but I have no desire for a baby of my own. I’m hoping hormones kick in around 30 years old. So is my mom!

That said, I found this really rather lovely passage on ‘dooce’ (www.dooce.com) – this fantastic American blog. And it made me ever so slightly lean over to her side of the argument. What do you think?

“But these risks and these sacrifices, I think, are a fundamental component of this unique experience that has given me more insight and understanding into other human beings than any other of my life. And all of this is to say thank God we chose to have children. Thank God for those endless, sleepless nights. Because I now know what I know. Because raising Leta more than anything else in my life has helped me piece together the puzzle of what it means to be human. I understand my own childhood so much better, understand my own parents so much better, and there is so much about myself that I have tried to improve that I didn’t know I needed to improve until I was reduced to a late night pair of pacing legs.

So much more makes sense now, and I don’t know if there is any other way I could have gained this type of insight into life. And I think this is what a lot of us are talking about when we say it feels like we were let into a secret club, a club we didn’t know existed until we got here, like we had no idea there was this much to know until our children showed it all to us.”

Allow others to be responsible for themselves.

// January 13th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Decisions, Life (and the living of it)

That was my motto for the holidays, and I’m carrying it into the new year.

I wish I could say I came up with it myself, but I actually stole it from my practical philosophy teacher, and the whole thing was: “Allow others to be responsible for themselves. Forgive yourself and others.”
She gave it to us as a suggestion for peaceful family holiday time. It worked.

I don’t know about you, but I often feel like I have to organise things. Like I have to make sure everyone knows what’s going on and is in the right place at the right time and happy to be there. The problem is, although I used to love organising things (the control freak in me would shiver with glee at any organisational task) I no longer do. I don’t like the weight of responsibility that comes with it, I don’t like encouraging other people to be useless and depend on me to make a plan, and I don’t like the guilt that descends if something goes wrong. Because I had convinced myself that I always had to be responsible for others, though, I never gave them the chance to be responsible for themselves. I thought that if I stopped organising, that if I stepped back and let people screw up by themselves, that’s exactly what they’d do – screw up.

Boy oh boy was I wrong!

I heard this fascinating theory a little while ago that spoke about the necessity for balance in the world – that there always has to be, for example, blue and red in every situation. Say you’re in a meeting and everyone is spewing out red red red, one person has to mention the blue. The problem comes in when it’s the same person over and over again always mentioning the blue. What’s so interesting about this theory, though, is that they did tests to see what would happen if the blue person didn’t say anything, if they went against their urge to be blue (or responsible for others, or bossy, or organisey – fill in the blank). Amazingly, the weight of red was too much and someone else in the meeting had to mention the blue.

It’s a long story for a simple idea – if you step back and allow others to be responsible for themselves, it’s the darnedest thing, but they actually will!

Try it… And let me know how it goes. It worked for me. As soon as I stopped feeling like I had to be responsible for other people, they stepped up and became responsible for themselves.

Another sip of inspiration:

// November 13th, 2008 // No Comments » // Inspiration, Life (and the living of it), Love, Philosophy

“Sometimes one needs to turn everything upside down to make sense of it. What if feeling the wind on your face, hugging your child, laughing with a friend, taking the family out on a picnic, helping someone in need, watching the sunset, carrying out the garbage, going for walks, having friends over for dinner… what if this is what it’s all about? What if this is what’s really important? It’s something to stop and consider as we race through our daily lives.

Let us also see the beauty that exists in one another’s hearts. Too often we forget this. It is good to remind ourselves that there is much goodness in the world, in the human heart. You will not see it on TV. You will not read about it in a newspaper. But it is there for all to see… We do in fact live in a world where people constantly help one another.

You don’t believe that? You do not see it? Put down your newspaper. Turn off your TV. Come take a walk in your own neighbourhood. Open your eyes. Feel people’s hearts. There is beauty here. Goodness, generosity, love, concern, fellowship everywhere…”

Wise words from an anonymous author! If only we could all carry such love into our lives…

I’m back!

// September 2nd, 2008 // 1 Comment » // Decisions, Durban, Inspiration, Life (and the living of it), Uncategorized

Apologies for the long and unexplained absence…

I went home to Durban first thing on Wednesday morning (fairly suddenly – I only booked my ticket last weekend) and then once I got there I found I was allergic to my computer. I’ve been working really hard, lately, and I just needed some down time away from email and writing and work work work.

Now, after a wonder-fully nourishing six days with my family, I’m feeling recharged.

It was an interesting trip, not only because I decided last minute, but because (probably for the first time ever) I didn’t try and see everyone and do everything in such a short time. My dad has had troubles with his back, and might need surgery, so I pretty much went home to check on him and my mom, and to spend some happy time with them. Having a focus like that was so wonderful, because it took out all the stress of me trying to see every one of my friends while I was home, and trying to swim in the sea every day, and trying to cram in tea at every single one of my favourite coffee shops. I remember my philosophy teacher saying that trying is one of the most exhausting things we can do – if we can learn to just be, and stop trying all the time, we’ll find we have a lot more energy.

So I spent the week hanging out with my mom – buying shoes, watching movies, drinking tea, and chatting to my dad – over fruit salad and prawn curry and roast beef. I ate some amazing food, caught up with my best friend, had a lovely breakfast with my brother (just the two of us, very special) and went out for dinner with friends that had me laughing till my stomach ached. It was such a good week!
I didn’t do one word of work.

And I was thinking, on the plane home last night, that maybe one of the reasons it was so special and felt so fulfilling was because I knew what I was there for. I was there to spend quality time with my parents, and maybe cheer them up a bit. I wasn’t there to work / swim / catch up with all of my friends / rediscover Durban / go everywhere I love in the city. I was simply there to spend time with the ones I love the most.

Maybe if we could gt this kind of clarity in everyday life it would help us to live clearer, less stressful lives. It would certainly remove the guilt of not getting enough done, or not doing all the things we want to… So here’s my challenge to you – decide what you want out of this sparkling new month of September, and make it specific, and not too complicated. Then, for all the weeks that are to come, focus only on that.

And let me know how it goes!