Bridget McNulty

The little joys in life:

// July 13th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Cape Town, Inspiration, Life (and the living of it)

I had a weekend full of the little joys in life…

I met up with old friends,

Stayed in bed late and got served breakfast in bed by my man (and a REAL breakfast in bed, too! Freshly squeezed orange juice, yoghurt and fruit, toast and tea),

Spent hours reading,

Watched a romantic comedy with two of my girlfriends,

Had wintry snuggle time on the couch,

Baked crumpets,

Drank tea and shared stories with a dear friend,

Cleared out my cupboards,

And had a delicious dinner (by candlelight) with my brother and sister-in-law.

It was an ordinary weekend, I suppose – nothing major happened – but it was so full of sparkling moments that I’m entering my week feeling all filled up. And that is a pretty extraordinary feeling, don’t you think?

PS – Don’t you love clearing out your cupboards? I’m only keeping things that I really love, and getting rid of everything else (in anticipation for our trip) and I feel lighter and free-er already!

Happiness is…

// May 20th, 2009 // No Comments » // Life (and the living of it)

… Getting your passport back in time to go overseas, when that seemed impossible a few weeks ago!

Ah… what a lovely feeling!

The boat of your life.

// May 7th, 2009 // No Comments » // Inspiration, Life (and the living of it)

It struck me, as I was walking yesterday evening, that life is a lot like keeping afloat in a boat. Hear me out here…

Your life is like a boat, and you get to decide what kind of waters you sail in – rough and stormy (dramatic) or calm and still (peaceful). You get to choose which companions you want on the journey, and if those companions are going to make your trip easier, or if they’re going to rock the boat. And most importantly, I think, you get to make sure you stay balanced.

I think balance means something different for everyone, and we each have our own specific Balance Challenges. Some battle to keep the depressed-happy balance, others fight for the busy-rest balance, still others need to work out the alone-together balance. Most of us have a bit of all of them in us. For me, I have to be on the alert for the giving out-taking in balance. When I’m full of energy (as I usually am) I can give and give and give, put loads of energy into my work, have enormous amounts of time for my friends, and be overflowing with love, no problem. But I often forget, when I’m in this mode, to refuel. And then I get depleted, and the balance is thrown off, and I’m rocking dangerously in my boat. So balance is key. And a tricky key at that.

Lastly, I think there has to be a compass, something to keep you pointed in the right direction, straight and strong and true. A life’s goal, if you will… For me, it’s to be my best self – who I really am. And it’s so interesting, because it’s only when I lose sight of that compass that I lose my way and throw away my balance. Because when I’m focused on being my best self I make sure to rest and refuel and recharge… I take care of my boat.

If your life was a boat, would you be more careful in it?

Reflectings…

// May 1st, 2009 // No Comments » // Cape Town, Life (and the living of it)

It’s 11am on a Friday, but because it’s a public holiday here in South Africa, it feels like a Sunday, or the middle of the night… There are very few cars on the roads, and the soft rain that started falling about an hour ago has dulled the sounds of the few there are.

The ducks in the reservoir have been quacking all morning, but other than that there’s very little to disturb the peace… Dramatically different from this time yesterday!

I woke up yesterday morning with a nasty migraine, and as luck would have it, our neighbours decided to have their windows installed at the same time, resulting in a few hours of non-stop drilling. Ouch. Yesterday was a hard day. I don’t often have hard days – I kind of float through days like honey, with things pretty much going my way all the time. But yesterday felt tough – the migraine, and then the hangover from the migraine which left me feeling washed out and sore. Then we went out to a friend’s farewell last night and I bowed out early ’cause I was feeling crook, and they ended up going to a karaoke bar! Woe is me. I missed out on karaoke! (This is not a sarcastic comment). And then I couldn’t sleep… for hours and hours and hours. I was so so tired, and I just couldn’t sleep. Seriously, how do insomniacs not go insane? I felt insane after only a few hours of it.

On paper, it doesn’t look like such a tough day. But I’ve been working so hard and being so on top of things and trying to pace myself so I don’t collapse from ten million things in my head, and yesterday it felt like they were all pressing down on me. I feel heavy…

What’s my antidote? Many cups of tea. Smarties. A slow day, filled with things that need doing but don’t require too much energy (and will give me a whole plateful of satisfaction once they’re done). And then going away to the beautiful Pringle Bay tomorrow, to rest and regain my energy.

How are you doing today?

Don’t sell your happiness…

// March 30th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Decisions, Life (and the living of it), Philosophy

… for a bag of chips.

We had the most wonderful Practical Philosophy class last week – the final in our 5 week Happiness course. There have been a number of gems in the class, and I’ll be writing about them in weeks to come, as I process them and start practising them in every day life… but one idea really stuck out for me.

We were listening to a speaker and he said to us, “If I offered you a hundred rand, or a thousand rand, or even ten thousand rand for your happiness, you’d laugh at me, wouldn’t you?” Think about it – your present and future happiness, for a lump sum? Not a good deal. “But look at the way you’re living your life,” he says. And then proceeds to explain how we sell our happiness every day, and for a lot less than a thousand rand. If our breakfast is cooked badly, if the garage door won’t open, if someone says something unkind to us, if the weather is bad, if there’s a drill going on in the background – we sell our happiness for all these things, every day.

It really got me thinking. Because there are times when I’ll get thrown off by the smallest thing without even thinking about it, and it’s only hours later that it will occur to me that this whole mood started from something tiny and insignificant. I’ve caught myself literally selling my happiness for a bag of chips (they don’t make me feel well, yet every so often my will power crumbles and I eat them. And then I feel bad about it. So bloody stupid! But human, I suppose).

Yes, yes, that’s all very well, I hear you say, but what can we do about it? Let go. Let go of all the little things that bug you, and don’t pick them up again. It is faar easier said than done, but it’s possible. On a day to day, moment to moment, irritation to irritation level. What do you think?

Don’t sell your happiness. There’s no price tag that could be worth it.

Mmm… crisps.

Something more.

// January 16th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Inspiration, Life (and the living of it), Love

Now, obviously it’s because I’m reading Eckhart Tolle’s ‘A New Earth’ (subtitle: awakening to your life’s purpose) but I’ve been thinking a lot, this week, about our grander purpose in life.

I suppose because we were all on holiday, and now we’re back and? Is this all? Work all week and hang out with friends and in nature on the weekend? It’s lovely, don’t get me wrong, and I love what I do with my everydays, I think I’m so extraordinarily lucky to be able to fill them pretty much as I please.

But shouldn’t there be Something More?

And not even something more like a goal to be reached, because I’ve got that too! My novel is being published in the USA in May, I’ve written a rough draft of my new novel, I’m filling my days with purpose. But. I can’t shake the feeling that that’s not really why we’re here. Surely there has to be something deeper? Tolle said something that really struck a chord with me about how who we are is not our function. I may be a writer, but that’s not who I am. Who I am is something far greater, and wider, and deeper.

And all I can come up with is that we are here to become Who We Really Are, to live our best selves, to continuously challenge ourselves to be more and more loving.

What do you think? Too heavy for a Friday morning?!

Allow others to be responsible for themselves.

// January 13th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Decisions, Life (and the living of it)

That was my motto for the holidays, and I’m carrying it into the new year.

I wish I could say I came up with it myself, but I actually stole it from my practical philosophy teacher, and the whole thing was: “Allow others to be responsible for themselves. Forgive yourself and others.”
She gave it to us as a suggestion for peaceful family holiday time. It worked.

I don’t know about you, but I often feel like I have to organise things. Like I have to make sure everyone knows what’s going on and is in the right place at the right time and happy to be there. The problem is, although I used to love organising things (the control freak in me would shiver with glee at any organisational task) I no longer do. I don’t like the weight of responsibility that comes with it, I don’t like encouraging other people to be useless and depend on me to make a plan, and I don’t like the guilt that descends if something goes wrong. Because I had convinced myself that I always had to be responsible for others, though, I never gave them the chance to be responsible for themselves. I thought that if I stopped organising, that if I stepped back and let people screw up by themselves, that’s exactly what they’d do – screw up.

Boy oh boy was I wrong!

I heard this fascinating theory a little while ago that spoke about the necessity for balance in the world – that there always has to be, for example, blue and red in every situation. Say you’re in a meeting and everyone is spewing out red red red, one person has to mention the blue. The problem comes in when it’s the same person over and over again always mentioning the blue. What’s so interesting about this theory, though, is that they did tests to see what would happen if the blue person didn’t say anything, if they went against their urge to be blue (or responsible for others, or bossy, or organisey – fill in the blank). Amazingly, the weight of red was too much and someone else in the meeting had to mention the blue.

It’s a long story for a simple idea – if you step back and allow others to be responsible for themselves, it’s the darnedest thing, but they actually will!

Try it… And let me know how it goes. It worked for me. As soon as I stopped feeling like I had to be responsible for other people, they stepped up and became responsible for themselves.

What if…

// November 26th, 2008 // 2 Comments » // Inspiration, Life (and the living of it)

…. the purpose of life is to be happy?

There has to be a balance, of course, and obviously you can’t be swinging from the happiness tree 24/7/365, but I’m beginning to think that if I lighten up and really enjoy what’s going on around me more, a flood of happiness might just whisk me away. How’s that for mixed metaphors?!

So I’m off to pick up my best friend from the airport, how exciting! He’s spending two days with me (a whole two days, this is an unimagined luxury!) and then I’m off to the Cosmo Awesome Women event on Friday, which should be lots of fun (We get goodie bags. Enough said!) And then, on Friday evening I’m going to Knysna for my man’s grandpa’s 90th birthday, and to meet his nephew for the first time.

Happy times ahead! Here’s wishing you a bolt of happiness. Round about now!

In the living of life:

// November 19th, 2008 // 3 Comments » // Cape Town, Inspiration, Life (and the living of it), Philosophy

I often get caught up in reporting on it. As something cool / exciting / lovely is happening, I’ll think, “Ooh! Must write about this! Must tell so and so! Mustn’t forget this!”

But I’m beginning to think that’s a somewhat foolish approach. Because as soon as you take yourself out of whatever is happening, you take yourself out of it. It loses some of its flavour. One of the most difficult challenges my practical philosophy class ever set was to ‘just’ do something. When you’re driving, just drive. When you’re eating, just eat. When you’re reading, just read. This is bordering on impossible for me! When I’m driving, I’m singing. When I’m eating, I’m planning. When I’m reading, I’m humming. And all along I’m thinking, thinking, thinking.

So the past few weeks I’ve been trying to correct the balance (and becoming a bad blogger in the process, I apologise!) It’s an extraordinarily eventful time for me, all of a sudden. I was sick, then my man was sick, then my parents came for a lovely lovely weekend visit, then I found out about the US book (which I’m still over the moon about!). Now I have work to do and an impending trip to Namibia (for work! Before the end of the year!) and we’re going cherry picking and lawn bowling and 80s partying this weekend, and next weekend I’ve got the Cosmo Awesome Women event in Joburg and then a 90th birthday in Knysna (5 hours from Cape Town). The day I arrive back I’m probably off to Namibia for a week, and when I return my best friend is coming to stay with me. Then my man and I are going back to Knysna for a wedding, and when we get back my brother and his girlfriend arrive to stay with us. And then we’re driving back to Durban (a mini road trip which will take  couple of days) for Christmas with the whole family.

So, as you can see, if I didn’t stay centered and in the moment, my head might be flying off its hinges!

And the one thing I keep returning to is that I want to enjoy this time of year. It’s frantic and full of people and probably lacking in the alone time I like so much, but it’s so exciting! And I want to be fresh and rested and firmly in the present moment so I can enjoy it. I don’t want to be stressed.

Don’t you want to join me? Join me in this experiment to see if you can ‘just’ do whatever you’re doing right now?

The gift of health.

// November 7th, 2008 // 3 Comments » // Decisions, Inspiration, Life (and the living of it)

So I spent most of yesterday convinced I had malaria from my trip through the Kruger National Park (which is apparently a high risk malaria area, who knew?)

It turns out, one lovely doctor’s visit later, that I don’t have malaria, just a nasty virus that has been attacking me all week – stealing my energy and giving me headaches, nausea and exhaustion in return. Not much I can do about it except rest intensely, drink lots of water and take painkillers for the headaches.

The illness I don’t mind so much, but lordy lord the mental side of it is driving me crazy. Not having any energy (at all) means my head is fuzzy and a bit disorientated, which means I can’t think straight and I have no perspective. This makes me whiny, sad, and a little paranoid. Not a great combo. Friends I haven’t spoken to in months are suddenly plotting against me. My world has no joy. I keep telling anyone who asks that I’m miserable.

As you can imagine, this cocktail of emotions is doing nothing for my health!

So I’ve decided, as of now, right now, this Friday afternoon, to snap out of it. I am undoubtedly one of the luckiest people I’ve ever met. I have an extremely fun couple of months coming up (really excessively fun till the end of the year). And my man and I are going away for the weekend. Nothing strenuous, just a friend’s birthday at a house by the river. I plan on lying in the sun reading for two days (with lots of sunscreen, probably under an umbrella!)
My point is that not being healthy makes me feel miserable, it is true. But I’m pretty sure that wallowing in misery is the longest route out of not being healthy. I shall report the results of this experiment to you on Monday!