Bridget McNulty

Reflections on the last month…

// June 19th, 2009 // No Comments » // Inspiration, Laughter, Life (and the living of it), Strange Nervous Laughter, travelling

A month ago I left home to go to Joburg for a writer’s conference, and then to the USA for 3 weeks… It doesn’t seem possible! It feels like at least 3 months, it’s definitely been one of the busiest months of my life.

What’s interesting, though, is thinking back to how I felt a month ago, and realising how much of what I was worried about didn’t materialise. Isn’t it often that way?

I was hugely excited to go on holiday, but a little apprehensive too, for a number of reasons… It was my first solo trip with diabetes, my first overseas trip with diabetes, my first time crossing time zones with diabetes (are you noticing a trend here??) but also my first time away from my man for 3 weeks, and the first time seeing friends I hadn’t seen in 4 years. Four years! It’s a long time. And I was worried that although I felt like we could pick up where we left off, maybe we couldn’t. Maybe it would be awkward. Maybe I’d get claustrophobic not having any alone time for three weeks straight. Maybe I’d get sick of being sociable.

Maybe maybe maybe.

But none of my worries materialised! How fantastic. My diabetes behaved itself wonderfully – I didn’t have any scary lows, I adjusted to eating (strange) American food with no hassles, and I felt remarkably well the whole time I was there. Seeing my old friends was incredible – honestly, it felt as if I’d just left the room and then come back in and it was 2005 (only we all look better and are less crazy than we were in college!) And I didn’t get claustrophic at all. I took alone time when I needed it, but most of the time I was just happy to be with my friends.

I had forgotten how much I love my US friends… I suppose I’d blocked it out so that I wouldn’t miss them too much. When I think back over the last few weeks, the prevailing word that pops out at me is FUN. It was so much fun! I laughed so much, I really connected with people that I love, I saw new things and had so many adventures. I am ready to travel!

It’s amazing how alive travelling makes you feel. Have you noticed that? Being surrounded by fresh sights and new ideas and different ways of living is so invigorating. One of the greatest gifts this trip has given me is confidence in our round the world trip, later this year. I’m ready: physically, emotionally, and diabetically!

It was also great for Strange Nervous Laughter. I met my editor (and had a lovely lunch with her), I made connections with extremely helpful people, I had two great radio interviews, and I feel like I gave the book a good start in life. Where it goes from here is out of my hands!

So all in all? An extraordinary trip, that far exceeded my expectations!
That said, I’m very happy to be home. And I will be until it’s time to sail off into the sunset again…

(Me in NYC!)

A weekend of sloth.

// May 18th, 2009 // No Comments » // Life (and the living of it), Time

After the extreme busy-ness of last week, with the blog tour and all the advance planning for my US trip, I was really ready for a relaxing weekend this weekend…. And hoo boy did I get it!

My man and I met friends for drinks on Friday night, and then came home and watched Seinfeld (oh how I love Seinfeld!)

On Saturday morning we woke up to pouring rain… and so decided not to get out of bed. We stayed in bed till 1pm, reading, sleeping, chatting, eating breakfast and drinking tea. And then we got up for a book launch (of Aenigmata, check it out here) and a great opening night for the Labia Celebration Exchange (their website is here). Sunday morning was chilly again (although not raining), so we decided to stay in bed all morning again! It was heavenly. It’s amazing how much your body can sleep if you just let it. We spent the rest of the day baking a cake, going for a walk and watching movies on TV.

And when I woke up this morning I felt fantastic! So full of energy, clean and clear and inspired and ready to start the week. Just lovely! How often does that happen? Usually weekends are so full of having fun that by the time Monday rolls around my head is full. But today, thanks to a whole weekend of sloth, I feel rested, relaxed and revitalised (rrrreally!)

When was the last time you gave yourself the gift of a weekend of sloth?

My First Love:

// May 15th, 2009 // No Comments » // Inspiration, Life (and the living of it), Love

When I think of my first love, I see snapshots of very specific moments. Care to look through them?

In this one, I’m sitting at the Steers restaurant at Musgrave Centre, the local shopping centre, on a Friday night, with four guys – Jono, Gerard, Steve and Anton. A bitchy girl from my class at school comes up to me, looks around the table (counting the ratio of 4 to 1) and asks me who else is joining us. “Oh no, it’s just me,” I say, with a smile, and she stares at me in shock.

I was sixteen. I was wearing stripy knee-high socks. I thought I was hot stuff.

Then, fast forward a few weeks, to this one: just me and Jono, sitting in the office at his parent’s house, playing a computer game (‘Jones in the Fast Lane’, I still remember it) and holding hands. My heart is pounding so desperately hard I struggle to appear calm.

Three days later, Jono moved to Cape Town with his family. I was devastated.

But a month or two after that he is back on holiday. I see us, in the Durban Art Gallery on a Friday night for the monthly Red Eye art event. Jono and I sit on a bench surrounded by a swirling mass of creatively (or crazily) dressed people, holding hands. And then he kisses me, and the swirling mass quiets, just for a moment.

I was in love. I lost my appetite, and the need to sleep. I was boundlessly full of energy.

And then a few days later, the last snapshot: we sit under my tree (my favourite tree, the tree I sit under every night that sixteenth year) and he tells me that we can’t be together because there’s someone else, someone in Cape Town, someone he’s in love with.
And I slap him.

Feisty for a sixteen year old, don’t you think?

I left for Tanzania the next week, on holiday with my family. We spent three weeks traveling around Tanzania and Zanzibar, and a week staying at my aunt’s convent. Slowly, painstakingly, I started piecing together the pieces of my broken heart. I couldn’t imagine ever feeling like that about anyone ever again.

Ten years later? A whole new heart.

The relationship compromise (continued)…

// October 16th, 2008 // 6 Comments » // Inspiration, Life (and the living of it), Love

I’m very inspired that many of you think this whole alone-together in relationship is possible – I thought maybe it was just a pipe dream of mine!

What I find so interesting about it (and I’m using myself as a guinea pig here) is that it’s not even that I feel I’m being asked to compromise. I think my man is very good at recognising that we’re both different people, and that makes sense for us. But every so often (more every than often, thank goodness) I find myself slipping into a role I don’t want – becoming the woman in the house. Now part of this is because I’m a nester, and I like my home to look lovely. But a lot of it, too, feels like climbing into a role that is waiting for me: not wanting to bugger off and do my own thing because I feel we should be spending time together, not being as selfish and independent as I want to, putting his needs first. Embodying the 1950s housewife in some small way… eek!!

And I don’t like this! I suppose it will be necessary one day (in the distant future) when I have kids; I don’t feel it’s necessary now.
And yet I’m the only one who’s doing it to myself… Isn’t this interesting? I’m not being asked to, I’m just subtly sabotaging myself. Does anyone else do this?

For me, now that I’ve recognised it, I’m making a conscious effort to be true to myself. To listen to that still small voice within and be totally 100% myself, alone or together. I don’t think compromises of self are necessary. Compromises of time, on the other hand, regrettably are… I find myself, on occassion, watching rugby matches. Oh the horror!

So what do you think? Can it be done? Living the life of an independent gal while still having the comforts of a relationship? Because to me, that sounds like the best of both worlds…

Separate but together?

// October 15th, 2008 // 5 Comments » // Decisions, Life (and the living of it), Love

Here’s a quick question, and I’m curious to hear your answers… Do you think, in relationships, you can be separate but together?
What I mean is, if you’re in a serious relationship, can you be alone while you’re physically together? Not lonely, you understand, but alone?
Because I love being alone! And I would love to be able to be alone together… To give each other the space to do or be whatever you want, while still sharing a physical space. For your love to be so big that it doesn’t constrain either of you – you can still be who you would be on your own, but together. So there isn’t all that compromising-who-you-are palaver. Which I really don’t like. And I don’t think is necessary…

So do you think it’s possible?
I think it is.
I think it’s a worthy goal.

A dedication to playfulness…

// September 23rd, 2008 // 2 Comments » // Cape Town, Life (and the living of it), Love

After three days of delicious sunshine, winter has returned to Cape Town… with a vengeance. Floodlike rains. Howling winds. The end of the world as we know it. And this is supposed to be spring?

So, to stave off weather-inspired cabin fever, I want to talk about my weekend – which was sun-soaked and wonderful… Sunday, in particular.

My man and I decided to go on a day trip up the West Coast – my favourite part of Cape Town, with its endless views and wild seas and rocks and (this time of year) abundant flowers. We spent some time wandering around the West Coast National Park, taking photos of the flowers and revelling in their colours (they’re really quite amazing – they come out of nowhere and cover the whole area in brightly coloured daisies). And then we drove a little further to the town of Langebaan, and had a seafood feast right on the beach, at Die Strandloper (www.strandloper.com)

It was incredible! Ten courses of crazy fresh seafood – all kinds of fish, and mussels, and crayfish – cooked right there on big fires or in potjie pots. They also bake their own (incredibly delicious) bread, and make homemade jams. The idea is that you go there for three or four hours, eat as much as you like, have a couple of drinks, walk along the beach, swim in the sea (if you’re brave!) and generally slow down… The tables are all old and wooden and set right in the sand, covered by fishing nets for shade. It is such an amazing way to spend an afternoon…

Not least (for me) because it was such a good dose of quality time with my man. One of my fears of moving in together was that we’d get used to each other and start taking each other for granted, but in fact it’s been quite the opposite. The time we spend together is such fun, and so deliciously playful and full of love, and we’ve started going on even more adventures than we did before.

And this is something I want to keep, throughout my life: A refusal to get too serious. A dedication to playfulness. A sense of fun.
What about you?

The father-daughter bond…

// August 15th, 2008 // 2 Comments » // Life (and the living of it), Love

I’ve been thinking about my dad lately, for a number of reasons (not least of which because he had a birthday a couple of weeks ago – on a Sunday, so he missed out on his blog post!)

I’ve always felt extremely lucky that I got my dad. I sometimes feel like the parents you end up with are a random assignment – a lucky draw of life that will affect pretty much everything you do for the rest of your life. So I lucked out!

Of course, as a teenager having to endure sex talks with him, I was a little less certain of this, especially seeing as I was the only girl… Can there be anything more mortifying than your dad talking to you about sex? I don’t think so. But then I grew up (thank goodness) and now we have a really rare and wonderful relationship.

My dad is wise. Everyone sees it. At pivotal points in my life he writes me long, rambling (almost impossible-to-decipher-because-of-his-handwriting) letters full of advice. He’s strong and courageous and so fully present in what he believes. I can’t tell you how reassuring it is having this presence in my life – a father who is steady and dependable, a mother who is full of love.

I think sometimes dads get the short end of the stick, to be honest. Think of Mother’s Day – it’s all soppy and sweet, all about how much your mom means to you. Father’s Day? Pictures of golf clubs and beer mugs abound. And maybe it’s because dads were classically not around as much as moms, but I think the father-daughter bond is so important, not only to give you a sense of self, but to give you a belief in your self-worth and set you up for positive male relationships in the future.

How many women do you know who have screwed-up relationships with their dads and subsequently can’t ever find a good guy to date? It’s a cliche because it’s true…

I think a lot of the time we forget to acknowledge the things (and people) closest to us, because they’re so much a part of us we think they already know. And maybe they do. But that’s no reason not to throw a big ball of love at them anyway!