I was looking through some blog archives the other day (as you do), and I realised that so much of what I’ve already written, I could really do with reading again. Isn’t that funny? I think what happens is that I get a *bolt of inspiration* and then I write it down, quickly, before it disappears, and then it slowly fades out of mind. So I’m starting a new kind of blog post: Memory Lane Monday.

Each week, on a Monday, I’ll post something from ages ago that I feel I could do with learning again. Okay? Here goes!

Under pressure?

February 20th, 2008

So last week I bought my first car! What a day. I managed to go twenty-seven and a half years without owning a car, but the threat of a Cape Town winter with only my scooter for transport was enough to get me to succumb…

This morning I drove to work for the first time. Outside it was cold and drizzly, with a wind blowing and freezing cold drops of rain hitting the windshield. Inside the car, I was warm and toasty, listening to classical music and entirely at peace with the world.

And it made me realise that I have a unique perspective on driving, from not having done so much of it. People cutting in front of me, bad drivers, super-slow crawlers, sure I find them irritating. But not extremely, gut-wrenchingly annoying. And I think this is because I haven’t been exposed to them that much.

I actually found my slow drive to work (in morning traffic) extremely restful. Warm interior! Classical music! Not getting wet!

These are things to be grateful for.

How do you feel about driving? (How long do you think I’ll feel this Zen about it?)

What could possibly go wrong?

Well, global warming. In a word (or two).
You see, NYC is not usually wet or rainy in June – it’s summer, it should be deliciously sunny. But the weather has been a little crazy of late, and the craziness did not work in my favour… The forecasts said scattered thundershowers would hit at 6pm. They hit at 2.30pm. My reading was at 3pm.

We’d already baked delicious cupcakes, by this stage (chocolate with vanilla icing and mini M&Ms… yummy!)

And we’d figured out how to transport them across town on the subway (by buying a couple of doughnut boxes from the doughnut store across the road)…

When we exited the subway, it was breezy and warm, and we thought we’d missed the morning rain and were going to miss the evening storms. But when we arrived at Central Park…

The heavens opened. It poured. Bucketed. Deluged us with rain. So that anyone in their right mind, looking out the window in the hour before the reading and deciding whether to come to an outdoor event in the park, would have decided against it (I was already there, so I couldn’t change my mind!)

Still, I had a couple of extremely loyal friends who decided to brave the weather, most notably my Number One Fan, Jess (in her handmade t-shirt)…

Once we realised that the rain was not going to let up any time soon, we traipsed off through the park handing out free cupcakes. It was so much fun! I started off on the baseball field, and people came flocking towards me when they heard the magical word ‘cupcake’ (combined with the equally magical word ‘free’)… and then we walked through the park and I approached people and asked if they wanted a cupcake. They were either totally delighted, or looked a little scared. It was very amusing!

We ended up in a Starbucks (because it was warm, cosy, and quintessentially American)…

Where I gave a short reading, after all…

It was, to all intents and purposes, a complete disaster. But it was a really fun disaster! As I led my merry band of wet friends through the park, handing out cupcakes, I was loving it! It was great fun.

Now, this could have been because I’d had an amazing hour-long interview on Cosmo Radio the day before, and I felt as if I’d already done my bit for book marketing; or because it was the end of a really wonderful three week friend tour all over the East Coast of the USA; or even because I have recently realised that I don’t like organising publicity stuff for myself any more (give me online stuff to do and I’m happy, organise something for me to do and I’m even happier, but don’t put me in charge please!)

It might even be that I am slowly, ever so slowly, learning to let go and see where life takes me. That I am finally learning to be a bit more easy-going and not trying to control everything. Whatever the reason, I had myself an extremely fun disaster of A Reading in Central Park.

What was so interesting, though, is that this morphed into a conversation about stress, and the un-necessity of it. In essence, what we figured out is that when you’re doing what you want to do, what makes sense to you and what you love, there’s no stress. It’s only when you swim upstream and try to force life into the mould that you think it should fit into that things get stressful.

I know this has been written about a million times before, but it just occurred to me and I thought I’d share it with you… Stress is an obvious sign to us that what we’re doing is not in alignment with what is right for us. And if we could just follow our inner voice, we’d stay in alignment more. Instead of seeing stress as a positive (or, at least necessary) by-product of being productive, let’s all learn to listen to it again – and stop doing whatever is causing it.

What do you think? A wise course of action?

It was a great big gathering of all his favourite people in a super-cheesy club with the most amazing 80s music (courtesy of the Wedding DJs) and a 70s Sweat theme. Everyone dressed up, everyone danced their feet off, everyone let loose. And as we danced (and danced and danced and danced) and sang along to fun tunes, and laughed and drank and revelled, I couldn’t help thinking how amazing it was for everyone to be celebrating together. Nobody was thinking about work, or about how they looked (because everyone looked crazy dumb) and everyone was just having fun.

Fun! Remember that?

I think so often we’re so busy being busy we forget to let loose and enjoy ourselves… to celebrate life, and love, and the people we love. To have a little fun.

A worthy goal for this week, no? Especially seeing as everyone seems to have kicked into end-of-the-year stress a little early!

I love this! I think life would be a dull and stagnant thing if we weren’t always changing. But I also think we don’t give ourselves enough credit for it.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, because I’m nearing my One Year Anniversary of Diabetes Diagnosis (on Sunday). So this time a year ago I was lying in my cottage, desperately ill, not having the strength or mental clarity to get to a doctor, mood swinging dangerously and looking like a skeleton. Not fun! And obviously part of my journey this year has been getting healthy, and adjusting to insulin injections, and being constantly aware of my blood sugar.
But when I look back on my year that’s not what I see.

I see someone who was so focused out that she couldn’t focus in. Someone who had to learn to recognise that life isn’t about doing things, it’s about how you feel as you do them – that it’s not about people applauding you, it’s about the quality of your every days. When I look back a year I see someone who was so stressed out she couldn’t appreciate how lucky she was. Someone who needed to learn to listen to her heart – even if her heart was saying, “Just stop! Slow down! Read!”

It’s not the easiest thing, this change. Especially not when we’ve been doing things a certain way for years, and realise that it’s time to shift. But we are changing – in small and beautiful ways, all the time – and I think it’s a helpful (and potentially inspiring) question to ask:
How far have you come in a year?