Cheesy as all get-out, it’s true, but when you’re feeling sick (and have been all weekend, as a lovely friend of mine had), something this cheesy can help to brighten your day. What do you think?

She said she’d think ‘be well’ thoughts every time she drank out of it. A good idea for all of us, hmm?

Let’s start with marmalade.
I made some! From scratch. In my kitchen. It was terribly satisfying.
I don’t actually eat marmalade, but my man loves it so I thought I’d give it a go. What do you think? Pretty, hmmm? Maybe if you’re nice to me I’ll share the recipe next week.

The magic part comes directly from Madame Zingara. I went to the show last night and it blew me away! Extraordinary stuff. The tent is from the 1920s, entirely mirrored and decadently decorated on the inside, and it is filled with colour and life and wonder. Extraordinary performers – acrobats and hula hoop girls (twenty hoops in one go!) and roller skaters and singers, it was honestly jaw-droppingly good stuff. The food was wonderful too – four courses perfectly prepared and delivered (even though there were 300 people there). And, lastly, the company was fab. I was lucky enough to be with my man and four other fabulous folks, including one of my favourite bloggers – I Want That.

And, lastly, mist.
I’m working late today, for the first time since I started this job. It’s Friday evening and I’m ready to go home, but I’m waiting for some files to transfer, and they’re taking a long time. Outside it’s starting to get dark and the mist is rolling in over the mountains. It’s wintry today, and I am so ready to go home to my nice cosy flat, have a hot cup of tea, change into my schloompfy pyjamas and do nothing much of anything but eat dinner and hang out with my man for the night.

Lovely!

I was looking through some blog archives the other day (as you do), and I realised that so much of what I’ve already written, I could really do with reading again. Isn’t that funny? I think what happens is that I get a *bolt of inspiration* and then I write it down, quickly, before it disappears, and then it slowly fades out of mind. So I’m starting a new kind of blog post: Memory Lane Monday.

Each week, on a Monday, I’ll post something from ages ago that I feel I could do with learning again. Okay? Here goes!

Under pressure?

February 20th, 2008

This hit me, suddenly, again, when I discovered The Sidewalk Café in Vredehoek this week. It’s the kind of café you dream of…. The kind of café that Amelie would go to if she lived in Cape Town. Full of all kinds of quirky knick knacks that they’ve picked up from Milnerton Market (another reason to love Cape Town), staffed by really friendly waiters, and with the kind of atmosphere that makes you want to linger as long as possible over your meal…

And then there’s the food! I have one word: yummy. We were invited to go and eat cake and speculate (over what will soon be revealed) and I had THE most incredible chocolate brownie with homemade ice-cream. Wow. I couldn’t finish it (obviously, being diabetic, would you look at the size of it?) but it was so supremely delicious that I couldn’t stop smiling the whole time I ate it. Mark had an incredible-looking apple and berry crumble (I don’t do cooked fruit).

Anyhoo, the reason behind us eating cake and speculating is that Madame Zingara is coming home! Madame Zingara is a Cape Town legend – a circus-like extravaganza of magic and colour and amazement. I can’t tell you any more, because I’ve never been (much to my dismay – they went overseas just after I moved to Cape Town and somehow I’ve never been in the right place at the right time to go).

This time I will not miss out. I can’t WAIT! And as a special treat, I’m going to be giving away two free tickets to the show! So if you’re in Cape Town, watch this space. And if you’re not, perhaps it’s time for a visit?

The show starts at the end of May, but in the meantime you can visit the Sidewalk Café for a free cup of tea or coffee to go with their amazing cake. They’re giving away a thousand cups of tea and a thousand cups of coffee! Incredible, no? It is an extremely popular spot, though, so if I were you I’d head over there this weekend…

If you want to find out more about the Sidewalk Café, visit www.sidewalk.co.za
It might just be the coolest South African website I’ve ever seen.

(Photos, throughout, are by the very talented Mark Peddle. Yes, he’s my fiancé. Isn’t that lovely?)

My man and I met friends for drinks on Friday night, and then came home and watched Seinfeld (oh how I love Seinfeld!)

On Saturday morning we woke up to pouring rain… and so decided not to get out of bed. We stayed in bed till 1pm, reading, sleeping, chatting, eating breakfast and drinking tea. And then we got up for a book launch (of Aenigmata, check it out here) and a great opening night for the Labia Celebration Exchange (their website is here). Sunday morning was chilly again (although not raining), so we decided to stay in bed all morning again! It was heavenly. It’s amazing how much your body can sleep if you just let it. We spent the rest of the day baking a cake, going for a walk and watching movies on TV.

And when I woke up this morning I felt fantastic! So full of energy, clean and clear and inspired and ready to start the week. Just lovely! How often does that happen? Usually weekends are so full of having fun that by the time Monday rolls around my head is full. But today, thanks to a whole weekend of sloth, I feel rested, relaxed and revitalised (rrrreally!)

When was the last time you gave yourself the gift of a weekend of sloth?

My best friend came to stay last week, which was lovely, and then the day after he left, my man and I jetted off to Knysna (in the car, not a jet, unfortunately!) for a truly amazing wedding… We stayed a short distance from the wedding in what is possibly the coolest place I’ve ever stayed – Fern Gully (check it out at www.ferngully.co.za). If you are ever in the Knysna area, stay here!

The pictures absolutely don’t do it justice. It was a little wooden cabin (handbuilt!) on stilts overlooking the Knysna forest – completely private and completely wonderful. They’d built an outdoor shower on the deck so you could shower practically in the forest, and we were visited on our first afternoon by a Knysna loerie – apparently very rare. We woke each morning to birdsong and the sound of the breeze in the trees… heavenly!

But after the wonderful wedding and the very fun (but long) 4 hour drive each way, I’m pooped. My brother and his girlfriend arrive to stay with us on Wednesday, and all four of us are driving home to Durban on Monday – staying overnight at the extraordinary Nieu Bethesda, home to the Owl House (www.owlhouse.co.za). And then Christmas! With an epic 13 family members and nonstop celebrations…

… All of which I will blog about this week. For today, though, I’m having a day of total slow. Running a few errands. Reading voraciously. Drinking tea and being still. I believe the word I’m looking for is ‘tonic’.

Here’s the loerie we made friends with!

I love this! I think life would be a dull and stagnant thing if we weren’t always changing. But I also think we don’t give ourselves enough credit for it.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, because I’m nearing my One Year Anniversary of Diabetes Diagnosis (on Sunday). So this time a year ago I was lying in my cottage, desperately ill, not having the strength or mental clarity to get to a doctor, mood swinging dangerously and looking like a skeleton. Not fun! And obviously part of my journey this year has been getting healthy, and adjusting to insulin injections, and being constantly aware of my blood sugar.
But when I look back on my year that’s not what I see.

I see someone who was so focused out that she couldn’t focus in. Someone who had to learn to recognise that life isn’t about doing things, it’s about how you feel as you do them – that it’s not about people applauding you, it’s about the quality of your every days. When I look back a year I see someone who was so stressed out she couldn’t appreciate how lucky she was. Someone who needed to learn to listen to her heart – even if her heart was saying, “Just stop! Slow down! Read!”

It’s not the easiest thing, this change. Especially not when we’ve been doing things a certain way for years, and realise that it’s time to shift. But we are changing – in small and beautiful ways, all the time – and I think it’s a helpful (and potentially inspiring) question to ask:
How far have you come in a year?

I’m off on a trip, you see. A trip completely out of my comfort zone. Quite literally. Off to Joburg today (Monday) and then tomorrow morning (Tuesday) I’m being fetched by a tour guide who will take me on a four day one-on-one trip (for work). We’re going to some amazing places – Kruger Park, Swaziland and St Lucia – before heading down to Durban, where I’ll spend a week at home with my dad. That bit I’m looking forward to
The four days preceding it, not so much.

It’s just that it’s four days alone with a stranger. And yes, we’ll be working and he’s going to be telling me stories which I’ll record to write about later (and turn into audio tours for GPS systems – an extremely pleasant way of paying the bills). But it’s an awfully long time and an awfully long distance to be travelling.

I’ve spoken about this trip with many people (I’ve known about it for weeks) and the opinion on it seems to be pretty evenly divided down the middle.
Half the people I tell say, “Oh shame! What a hard life you live! You get an all-expenses-paid trip to some of the most beautiful country South Africa has to offer!”
The other half says, “The trip itself will be cool… But there won’t be too much personal space. I wouldn’t want to do it.”

And this is what gets me. In a car all day, then eating dinner, then eating breakfast and in a car all day, etc…

The problem is, of course, that I’ve crafted my life here at home too perfectly. I get to be alone all day except for when I want to meet friends for tea or lunch, or when I have friends over for reiki, or when I choose to chat to people on the phone. Sometimes I have meetings, but only ever when I schedule them. I spend evenings and weekends with people I love. I work in my own time, to my own schedule. It’s fabulous! So deeply comfortable. Which is all great, until you need to step out of your comfort zone, and then? It’s terrifying. But as a very wise friend advised me, it’s all very well knowing who you are when you’re in a comfortable place, but knowing who you are in an unknown place is the real challenge…

Of course, this trip is also linked to all my big issues: leaving home, being out of control (I didn’t plan any of it, I have no idea what to expect), being in unfamiliar territory and not being independent. Pretty much all my emotional buttons. You know there are certain things that elicit an instant emotional response from you? I call them emotional buttons (things that you hope won’t be pushed). These are mine.

What’s interesting is that my main emotional button used to be being alone. These days, I could gladly spend a week alone and not think twice about it. But put me in a potentially awkward situation for a sustained period of time, and I start worrying…
And yes, I know. Worrying is like a rocking chair – it keeps you busy but it doesn’t get you anywhere.
I know that it’s a complete waste of time to imagine what it will be like because I have no idea what it will actually be like.
I know that all I can do in a situation like this is to be calm and clear and present in myself, and then no matter what happens I will be able to deal with it.

But lordy lord! That is hard to remember.

So I’ve prepared as much as I possibly can. I’ve written down a list of Pros and Cons and balanced them out (which is supposed to neutralize the fear – fear is expecting the future to be worse than the present). I’ve spent a lot of quiet alone time and time with my man so that I’m feeling emotionally refreshed. I’ve bought fruit and biscuits for the car, and a Phil Collins Greatest Hits CD to listen to at night (it’s no-fail-happy-music, dorky as it might be!)
I have acknowledged that it’s time to face up to my fears and do something that makes me totally uncomfortable.

And I’ll report back at the end of the week!
Wish me luck!!

But hear me out.

Apparently the full moon (that started last night) is an extremely emotional one for Cancerians (like me) and a pretty hectic one for all the other star signs. Cancer is a moon sign, so most full moons will have an effect on us, but this is a particularly emotional one. Don’t believe me? Ask any Cancerians (born end of June to end of July) how they’re feeling… you might be surprised.

Isn’t it interesting, though, how we need a reason to feel down? I woke up yesterday morning feeling a little low, and I couldn’t really trace it back to anything – yes, I’ve been working hard lately; yes, it does feel as if this winter will never ever end (it’s raining again! And it’s freezing!); yes, I’ve been giving out a lot lately. But the sadness didn’t really feel like a direct result of any of that.

In the olden days, I would have wrestled with it till I found a suitable explanation. But I am (slowly but surely) growing up, and recognising that sometimes you just have to listen to how you feel, and honour that. So I took the day off from normal work and started re-reading the rough draft of my second novel. What a treat! I was kind to myself, I drank lots of tea, I didn’t do too much. And this morning, when I woke up, I felt so much better…

So here’s what I think – I think that if you feel low, for any reason, or no reason at all, just give yourself a break. Give yourself a time out, with cookies and juice (or tea), climb back into bed, or just read for an afternoon. Be sweet to yourself! Even if you have to blame it on the moon…

What I would love to see is a resurgence in tea parties. A writer called Kate Jacobs wrote ‘The Friday Night Knitting Club’ and apparently it ignited women all over the USA to start Friday Night Knitting Clubs! I love that! So what I want to do is reignite celebrating, with a resurgence of tea parties. Give me some time and I’ll put together the definitive Tea Party guide as a download on www.bridgetmcnulty.com

For now, though, I need some ideas for how to celebrate my book being in bookstores, cause all of a sudden it’s drawing frighteningly close!
Anyone?